{"id":103,"date":"2008-02-19T12:23:35","date_gmt":"2008-02-19T20:23:35","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/rayivey.com\/wordpress\/?p=103"},"modified":"2008-02-19T12:27:36","modified_gmt":"2008-02-19T20:27:36","slug":"not-my-fault-mcdonalds-hashbrowns","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rayivey.com\/wordpress\/not-my-fault-mcdonalds-hashbrowns\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"rss\"<\/a>\"instagram\"<\/a>

I’ve been working with a nutritionist for several months.\u00a0 She’s been very helpful and encouraging and full of good information about how I can make better choices during my eating day.<\/p>\n

Fine.\u00a0 I do my best.\u00a0 I’m working nuts and seeds into my diet.\u00a0 I’m de-emphasizing the white carbs.\u00a0 Try not to eat late at night.\u00a0 And I’m making progress.\u00a0 I don’t look like an Olsen twin yet, but I’m making progress.<\/p>\n

Breakfast on work days, however, remains a problem.\u00a0 Getting up thirty minutes earlier so I can have a healthy breakfast at home sounds like a lovely idea, but in practice?\u00a0 Forget about it.\u00a0 The fact that I lumber out of bed at the horrifying hour of 7:00 a.m. is already a huge concession to the realities of having to earn a living.\u00a0 Making it 6:30 just so I can have oatmeal is simply asking too much.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It’s not my fault that there’s a McDonalds two blocks from my house, conveniently situated for me to grab breakfast.\u00a0<\/p>\n

And it’s REALLY not my fault that my standard breakfast of a Egg McMuffin, hash browns, and a medium Diet Coke is quite possibly the world’s most perfect on-the-go morning meal.<\/p>\n

I won’t elaborate on the self-evident uber-goodness of the Egg McMuffin and the Diet Coke.\u00a0 The hash browns, however, deserve a little elaboration.<\/p>\n

This IS a to-go breakfast, after all, and so what you are served isn’t actually hash browns, it’s a pre-formed, defrosted, \u00a0ellipse-shaped hash brown patty.\u00a0 And my friends, it is simpy perfection.\u00a0 McDonalds may be the Great Satan of nutrition, but they have gotten the Hash Brown Patty down.\u00a0<\/p>\n

It’s just big enough.\u00a0 It’s just hot enough.\u00a0 It’s just crispy enough.\u00a0 It’s just salty enough.\u00a0<\/p>\n

If one were to discover a McDonald’s hash brown patty occuring natually in nature, it would be the strongest argument ever for the truth of Intelligent Design.\u00a0<\/p>\n

The only thing wrong with a McDonald’s hash brown patty is that it isn’t TEN McDonald’s hash brown patties.<\/p>\n

I have tried to explain this to my nutritionist.\u00a0 I proudly tell her that, among the breakfast sandwiches available at national chain fast-food establishments, the Egg McMuffin is actually the healthiest, coming in at a mere 300 calories.<\/p>\n

Sometimes I think the only thing that propels me out of bed in the morning is the knowledge that in just a few minutes, I get to eat that delicious, warm, salty, \u00a0golden-brown hockey puck.\u00a0 Perhaps it’s actually addictive.\u00a0 Perhaps McDonalds laces the potatoes with opium or nicotine.\u00a0 Again, not my fault.<\/p>\n

So, while I will continue to try to improve my eating choices at lunch and dinner time, if I have to drive to work at the godforsaken hour of 8:00 a.m., I have earned my McDonald’s breakfast.\u00a0 Don’t try to take it out of my hands and no one gets hurt.<\/p>\n

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