{"id":2382,"date":"2012-11-07T08:52:54","date_gmt":"2012-11-07T16:52:54","guid":{"rendered":"http:\/\/www.rayivey.com.php5-21.dfw1-1.websitetestlink.com\/wordpress\/?p=2382"},"modified":"2012-11-07T10:44:42","modified_gmt":"2012-11-07T18:44:42","slug":"a-knife-to-a-gunfight","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"http:\/\/www.rayivey.com\/wordpress\/a-knife-to-a-gunfight\/","title":{"rendered":""},"content":{"rendered":"\"Facebook\"<\/a>\"twitter\"<\/a>\"rss\"<\/a>\"instagram\"<\/a>

Ray Gently Debriefs the Republican Party<\/strong><\/p>\n

Morning, Republican Party.\u00a0 Thanks for coming.\u00a0 Have a seat.\u00a0 Can I get you some coffee?\u00a0 Tea?\u00a0 How about a joint?\u00a0 Sorry, a little joke lol.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I won\u2019t keep you long.\u00a0 I just want to make sure you understand what happened yesterday.\u00a0 Yes, I know it was a very upsetting day for you all around.\u00a0 Yes, we can wait a moment.\u00a0 No problem.\u00a0 Do you need a tissue?<\/p>\n

\u00a0Okay.\u00a0 So here goes.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I want to help you, Republican Party.\u00a0 I don\u2019t want you to make the same mistakes in 2016 that you made yesterday.<\/p>\n

\u00a0It\u2019s important that you understand that your Angry White Man Anti-Gay Anti-Woman Anti-Immigrant Anti-Anything-That\u2019s-Not-Your-Brand-of-Christian Anti-Science Anti-Fact campaign, which came very close to winning yesterday, will never come this close to winning ever again in a National Election<\/em>.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0I\u2019ll explain.<\/p>\n

\u00a0Let\u2019s take those stances in reverse order.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANTI-FACT THING.<\/strong><\/em>\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Let\u2019s look to history for a little perspective.\u00a0 When Bill Clinton was President, you HATED him.\u00a0 But the things you went after him for were actual things.\u00a0 Whitewater was an actual situation.\u00a0 Travelgate was actually based on a real incident.\u00a0 Clinton\u2019s roving genitals were a REAL problem.\u00a0 Next, during the Bush years, our people hated Bush, but we went after his REAL failings:\u00a0 A trumped up phony war, the treasonous outing of an acting CIA operative, clueless economic policies.<\/p>\n

\u00a0All that changed when it appeared during the Democratic primary process that The Magic Negro was overtaking lefty favorite Hillary Clinton.\u00a0 From that moment, until the present day, you have engaged in a shameless campaign of fabrication about Barack Obama.\u00a0 You\u2019ve branded him a Kenyan, a Muslim, a Nazi, a Socialist, a Communist.\u00a0 You have claimed he\u2019s after your guns.\u00a0 You\u2019ve claimed that he\u2019s after your religious freedom.\u00a0 It was all lies, and despite the best efforts of Fox News, yesterday you were shown that\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T FALL FOR IT.<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANTI-SCIENCE THING\/THE ANTI-ANY BRAND OF CHRISTIANITY BUT YOUR OWN THING<\/strong><\/em><\/p>\n

\u00a0Global warming is real.\u00a0 Women\u2019s bodies don\u2019t have magic Rape Sperm Detectors.\u00a0 It\u2019s not curtailing your religious freedom when the law prevents you from discriminating against other people or trying to impose your religious ideas on other people.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Perhaps the biggest mistake you made in this area was your cynical and transparently hypocritical embrace of Mitt Romney as a \u201cgood Christian.\u201d\u00a0 He\u2019s not a Christian.\u00a0 He\u2019s a Mormon, and if you\u2019d turned Fox News off for five minutes and done just a tiny bit of reading about the Mormon church, you would know that this man believes stuff even YOU would consider wacky.\u00a0 And yet you branded Obama, who\u2019s an ACTUAL Christian, a Muslim.\u00a0 Again, if you knew four atoms worth of facts about Islam, you\u2019d know there\u2019s no such thing as a \u201cstealth Muslim.\u201d\u00a0 No President would be able to hide the fact that he prays towards Mecca five times a day and keeps a halal kitchen in the White House (look it up).<\/p>\n

\u00a0Scariest of all, guess what the fastest-growing religious demographic in our country is?\u00a0 Yep, it’s us non-religious folks.\u00a0 We’re gaining ground at a dizzying pace, as young people reject the Bronze Age superstitions of their parents.\u00a0 In every election going forward, the “Christian” base you think you can play to is going to be a smaller and smaller slice of the electoral pie.<\/p>\n

But you tried to sell all this nonsense to the American People and \u2026.<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T FALL FOR IT.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANTI-IMMIGRANT THING.<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0Bush got 40% of the Hispanic vote!\u00a0 McCain got 30%.\u00a0 Guess how much Romney got last night?\u00a0 20%.\u00a0 Yeah.\u00a0 It turns out all those Hispanic voters were listening when you spewed all that anti-immigrant hate, and as a consequence\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T\u2019 FALL FOR IT.<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANTI-WOMEN THING<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

Romney was TROUNCED by women voters last night.\u00a0 And two of the most notorious Republican lawmakers who made stupid and hateful remarks about rape were defeated as well.\u00a0 It turns out, women DO vote in this country.\u00a0 And they\u2019re not going to vote for you if you don\u2019t think they know when they\u2019ve been raped, and you don\u2019t think they own their own bodies.<\/p>\n

You counted on women, and people who LIKE women (like me) to hate the Black Nazi more than they loved themselves, but\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T FALL FOR IT.<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANTI-GAY THING<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

This one must REALLY chap your ass, because it\u2019s been such a bountiful Golden Goose for soooooo long.\u00a0 In days gone by, you could whip up your electorate by spreading lies about gay people for free.\u00a0 No more.\u00a0 When the President came out for equality for gay people, it HELPED him, it didn\u2019t bury him.\u00a0 Your candidate, on the other hand, maintained a position that no longer reflects a majority of the American public:\u00a0 He supported an amendment to the U.S. Constitution which would have made gay people second class citizens forever.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Even more dramatic, America elected its first openly gay senator last night.\u00a0 And in an unprecedented series of victories, marriage equality was on the ballot in four states and WON IN ALL FOUR STATES. So there.\u00a0 Gay people are here to stay, my homophobic Republican friend.\u00a0 You tried to demonize us once again, but\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T FALL FOR IT.<\/p>\n

\u00a0THE ANGRY WHITE GUY THING<\/em><\/strong><\/p>\n

\u00a0This one is probably the hardest one for you to take.\u00a0 But please understand the reality of the situation.\u00a0 This was the LAST presidential election in our history in which white voters are the majority.\u00a0 Which means the blaring voices of your Tea Party are going to grow dimmer and dimmer in the coming years.\u00a0 You counted on xenophobic white guys to clinch the election for you, but\u2026<\/p>\n

\u00a0AMERICA DIDN\u2019T FALL FOR IT.<\/p>\n

\u00a0For four years, your entire focus has been on making sure Barack Obama was a one-term President.\u00a0 Not on making the country better, not on creating jobs, not on expanding freedom.\u00a0 You\u2019ve been obsessed, like a stalker, at neutralizing The Magic Negro.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0To defeat him, you nominated, by default, a Rich White Empty Suit.\u00a0 A man so conviction-free that if he had won it would have been essentially having a lobbyist for President.\u00a0 A man more comfortable with lying than I am with sitting through double features.\u00a0 A man you KNEW wasn\u2019t really a good man.\u00a0 You just thought he might be an ELECTABLE man.\u00a0 It was a cynical move on your part, and you\u2019ve paid the price.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0All of your lies, and all of your billions of Rich White Guy dollars, didn\u2019t work yesterday.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Now that you\u2019ve utterly failed, I hope you decide to find some wisdom in this failure.<\/p>\n

\u00a0I hope you come back in 2016 with something better than the Klown Kar of crazy candidates you had this time.\u00a0 I hope you start ignoring the crazier members of your party.\u00a0 I hope you decide to grow up and embrace policies that actually benefit the middle class.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0While you’re casting about for new techniques, I discourage you from studying the Democrats.\u00a0 We really kind of suck at politics.\u00a0 We did not do a very good job at selling the President\u2019s many accomplishments during this campaign.\u00a0 We only won because we had the better candidate.<\/p>\n

\u00a0So, in closing, I\u2019d like to thank you, Republican Party.\u00a0 Thanks for the enormous stimulus package your rich sugar daddies just infused into the economy.\u00a0 Thanks for being my fellow Americans.\u00a0 I want America to be a great place for you just like I want it to be a great place for me.\u00a0 We\u2019re all in this together.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u00a0Now get out of my office.\u00a0 I’ve got a conference call with Lady Gaga, Cris Kluwe and Elizabeth Warren in a minute.<\/p>\n

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