All posts by Ray Ivey

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Dr. Chan was a very nice guy who understood my symptoms very well.  I of course have a very common ailment called plantar fasciitis, which basically means your plantar fascia (the thingie that connects your heels to your toe) is inflamed and pissed off.

Treatment will begin with a) an anti-inflammatory drug (yay, a new pill to take) and b) exercises.

In addition, I was to head over to another lab for an x-ray.  Dr. Chan was going to look into special insoles for me and I would see him again in two weeks.  So far, so good.

Average Rating: 5 out of 5 based on 184 user reviews.

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1. Recognize.

This word is pronounced rek-ugh-nize.

This word is NOT pronounced rek-uh-nize. Pronounce it correctly, Sparky.

2. Espresso.

The word is pronounced exactly as it is spelled. Alas, too many people think it is spelled like this: Expresso.

It’s not.

There is no drink called expresso.

Pronounce it correctly or I will kill you.

This is particularly important if you work at Starbucks. Working at Starbucks and saying “expresso” is like being a veterinarian and not knowing how to say “cat” or “dog.”

Starbucks managers, please require your employees, I’m sorry, your baristas, to correctly pronounce the name of the most basic product you sell.

3. Anything that ends with “ing.”

I don’t know HOW this horribleness got started. Somewhere along the way in the last ten years, people have started to give a hard g sound to words ending in “ing.”

So they end up saying ridiculous things like king-guh.  Sing-guh.  Or, even worse, sing-guh-ing-guh.
Stop it. The “ng” combination makes ONE sound; it’s a combination sound. You know, that nasal thing. You know what I’m talking about. SO the “g” is already spoken for, thanks very much.  Pronouncing it is not only unnecessary, it’s wrong.
In order for the word to be pronounced king-guh, you’d really have to spell it with an extra g: “kingg.”

It’s not spelled that way. So stop saying-guh, I mean pronouncing-guh, it that way, right now.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 278 user reviews.

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Don’t ever let anyone tell you different. First there is Alien (1979), directed by Ridley Scott. Then there is Aliens (1986), directed by James Cameron. The first is one of the scariest horror films ever made. The second is my favorite high-tech sci-fi action adventure ever.

We do not discuss the films which followed. They are not real. They are not canon. They are not worthy. Let us never speak of them again.

What a great opportunity it was for Sigourney Weaver, whose previous credits were quite paltry, to land the plum role of Ripley in the first film!
Last night I had the wonderful opportunity to see both movies in a double feature at the American Cinematech at the Egyptian. My friend and I agreed that, seeing them together, it makes it even more obvious that Aliens is easily the better film. But they are both classics, and deserve to be remembered together without the taint of the drecky franchise films which followed them.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 276 user reviews.

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I was nervous, but not as nervous as usual when I arrived for my appointment with my GP on Thursday.  My eagerness to work on “the project” were still overriding my usually-pathological levels of White Coat Hypertension.

When Weiner came in and sat down, he let me get through my spiel, which I appreciated.  Sometimes he makes me feel rushed, but not today.

He paused after I had finished and said, “Well, I’m really glad you had this epiphany, and I’m happy to make all the referrals you need, but what you also need is, uh, a doctor.

I couldn’t have agreed more.  His point was that I had not seen him in a year and a half and had spent entirely too much time not feeling good before calling him.

“We’ll get you started with the podiatrist and the sleep study and we’ll take a bunch of blood from you today.”

“All you want, ” I said.

Insurance Drama:  None!

Next:  Meet your Podiatrist . . .

Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 154 user reviews.

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For the first time in memory, I’m actually excited about going to the doctor.  Never ever thought that would happen.

Why?

Wellll . . . anyone who knows me understands that my primary health factor that needs to improve is my weight.

And I want to work on it.  Really, I do.

However, a trifecta of medical annoyances are conspiring to create a vicious circle thwarting all weight loss efforts.

Since you asked, they are:

1.  Anemia.  This started a couple of years ago.  I have a bit of corroded stomach lining (aspirin).  To treat it I take Prilosec and am supposed to stay away from alcohol (no problem), chocolate (hrmm . . . ) and caffeine (impossible, as will be explained below).

Anemia makes you feel weak as a kitten.  A staircase, one flight, is daunting and defeating.  This feeling does NOT promote interest in exercise.

Plus anemia makes you sleepy.  More on sleepy to come.

2.  Heel pain.

There’s a term for it but I haven’t learned it yet.  It’s common and treatable. I need to get it treated.  But needless to say, if it hurts to walk, exercise is not the highest priority on your mind.

3.  Sleep Apnea.

I’ve believed for years that I suffer from this.  I have resisted going to the doctor about it because I dreaded using the c-Pap machine to sleep.  I’m over that now.  I need some freaking sleep.

So I have TWO conditions that make me sleepy.  Getting sleepy during the day is bad.  I totaled my car last year because of this.  I’m damn lucky I didn’t hurt anyone. I fall asleep at work. Not good.  I fall asleep in movies, even good movies.  Not good.

So because of sleepiness I have to caffeinate, which in turn makes the anemia worse.

See what I mean about the vicious circle?

SO.  Thursday I see my GP.  I’m going to walk in loaded for bear and really try to run the meeting.
“Get me appointments with the gastroenterologist (anemia), the podiatrist/orthpedic surgeon (the heel thing) and the Sleep Lab (apnea) STAT.”

I’m convinced that if I can get all three conditions under control, I can make a good effort to reduce my BMI (the dreaded Body Mass Index).

I’m sick of not feeling good and having no energy and being sleepy all the time.  I’m sick of spending my days off in bed sleeping all day.

Of course, there’s the possibility that I could find out I’m wrong, and that my three symptoms are all part of some ghastly terminal illness.  But I don’t expect that.

Updates on the details of my fascinating medical progress will be posted here as they are available.

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 232 user reviews.

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No one is allowed to say “At the end of the day” anymore unless they mean it literally.  Starting right now.  I’ve had it with this tired catch-phrase.

If you find you’re lost without it, try bringing back the venerable old cliche it replaced:  “When all is said and done.”  I’ll temporarily allow free use of that old chestnut if it helps you get over the “end of the day” one.  Think of “When all is said and done” as methadone helping you get off the heroin of “at the end of the day.”

That is all.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 272 user reviews.

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Okay, I need to settle this inane “Celebrities die in threes” thing once and for all.  Please pay attention.

Sigh.  It’s just so dopey I cannot believe I have to say the following out loud.  This is right up there with people who still say “bless you” when I sneeze (I actually don’t believe I’m at risk to losing my soul through my nose at those moments).

So.  Here goes.  All you have to do to make the “Dying in Threes” trick work is 1) keep counting until another celebrity dies and/or 2) be flexible with what you consider a “celebrity.”

These two discretionary powers make it possible to count celebrity deaths in combinations of ANY number.  Hell, I could declare that Celebrities Die in Seventeens!  And prove it just as well.

The reason is, there is no standard of time within which the celebrities must die.  Plus, there is no standard as to what constitutes a “celebrity.”  It’s completely subjective.

So just stop it!!!

Average Rating: 5 out of 5 based on 202 user reviews.

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Auschwitz: The MMORPG

Nancy Drew Team Deathmatch (squad FPS)

Hellementary (third person action)

Musical Comedy Star (music/rhythm)

Mario Badminton (sports)

Food Court Tycoon (sim)

Sim Scarlett Johansson (sim)

The Sims: Hospice (sim)

Nintendweebs (pet sim)

High School (rpg)

Whack-a-Male (feminist arcade)

Mormon Missionary (rts)

The Legend of Zelda: The Heartbreak of Psoriasis (action/adventure)

Again With Fucking Myst (adventure)

Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 268 user reviews.

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The hungriest person gets to choose the restaurant.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 280 user reviews.

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Against all odds, Heath Ledger’s performance lives up to the incredible hype it’s been receiving for months.  As a newly-reimagined Joker, he’s amazingly menacing, creepy, and even complex.

The rest of the movie is terrific as well.  Though it’s a bit long, the length allows it time to get into moral territory that’s surprisingly sophisticated for any American movie, much less a summer superhero blockbuster.

Another triumph is that, unlike too many of today’s overblown CGI extravaganzas, the special effects in the movie truly serve the story and the action, not the other way around.  There’s none of that fake-looking crap like you got with Spiderman flying around Manhattan like a deranged drillbit (thanks to Amy Hohn for the analogy).

Only one thing seriously bothered me about The Dark Knight, but it bothered me a lot.  It’s the same thing that bothered me in Batman Begins.  That’s the stupid, childish, fake, overly-gutteral voice Christian Bale puts on whenever he’s in the batsuit.  It’s just dumb, and totally unnecessary.  I can’t believe the talented director, Christopher Nolan, thought it worked, because it doesn’t.

But everything else in the movie does, especially the wall-to-wall acting, which is uniformly better than you’re supposed to get in movies like this.  Kudos to Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Aaron Eckhart, Gary Oldman and my girlfriend Maggie Gyllenhaal.

By the way.  See it in Imax.  Trust me.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 225 user reviews.

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