Category Archives: Games

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The cinematic snarling MUST STOP.

Christian Bale almost ruined The Dark Knight and Batman Begins with it.  Whenever he spoke from within the Batsuit, his speech was a low, guttural, utterly expressionless growl.  No change of inflection, no color, nothing.  I can’t believe someone as talented and perceptive as director Christopher Nolan would let him get away with it.

Where did this daffy choice come from?  I suspect from the world of video games.  Metal Gear Solid is one of the most popular and revered of all game franchises.  Though not my cup of tea, the games had many fine qualities and legions of fans.

I was always baffled when actor David Hayter’s voice work was praised as the games’ main character.  In sequel after sequel, it was always the same thing:  a guttural, expressionless snarl, speaking every single line exactly the same way.  It was that stupid In-Batsuit-Snarl.  Everyone (weirdly) found that brilliant.

A much better model would have been the wonderful voice acting Stephen Russell did as the title character in the Thief games.  He, too, played a dark, shadowy character, but his performance used much more nuance and color.

Well, now the Snarl Virus is spreading.  Clint Eastwood has been using it for years (thought it’s not as bad in his recent, wonderful, Gran Torino).

Have you seen, or more importantly, heard, the trailers for the upcoming megamovie Watchmen?  The talented Jackie Earle Haley plays Rorschach and uses the exact same monochromatic drone.

This must stop.  Immediately.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 192 user reviews.

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Spore is a recently-released computer game from legendary designer Wil Wright.  In it you guide the evolution and development of a life form and its civilization from creation, single-cell life through space exploration.  One of the interesting things about the game is that you can upload your creations onto the internet and have them interact with that of other Spore players. The gaming community is full of endlessly creative maniacs.  Naturally, there very quickly emerged a slew of user-created creatures who were, shall we say, genitally inclined.  A new term was coined:  SPORN.  Yay! 

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 229 user reviews.

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Yay!  Tonight I head down to Anaheim Convention Center for Blizzcon!

For the uninitiated, Blizzcon is an annual convention put on by Blizzard Entertainment, the company that makes World of Warcraft, as well as the Starcraft, Warcraft and Diablo game franchises.

Ten million people play World of Warcraft, but only about 12, 000 of us lucky freaks get to go to the convention.  Getting tickets online for this quickly-sold-out event took steely determination and a bit of luck.

At the convention I will get to meet lots of people I play the game with, see many scary people in home-made costumes, and attend panel discussions about the games.

As an attendee I’ll also get the coveted Swag Bag, which will contain, among other things, an unbelievably brag-worthy polar bear mount that I can ride in the game.

I’ll try to get some pictures and report back to you, Dear Readers, on this deeply important event.

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 150 user reviews.

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I was nervous, but not as nervous as usual when I arrived for my appointment with my GP on Thursday.  My eagerness to work on “the project” were still overriding my usually-pathological levels of White Coat Hypertension.

When Weiner came in and sat down, he let me get through my spiel, which I appreciated.  Sometimes he makes me feel rushed, but not today.

He paused after I had finished and said, “Well, I’m really glad you had this epiphany, and I’m happy to make all the referrals you need, but what you also need is, uh, a doctor.

I couldn’t have agreed more.  His point was that I had not seen him in a year and a half and had spent entirely too much time not feeling good before calling him.

“We’ll get you started with the podiatrist and the sleep study and we’ll take a bunch of blood from you today.”

“All you want, ” I said.

Insurance Drama:  None!

Next:  Meet your Podiatrist . . .

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 292 user reviews.

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Auschwitz: The MMORPG

Nancy Drew Team Deathmatch (squad FPS)

Hellementary (third person action)

Musical Comedy Star (music/rhythm)

Mario Badminton (sports)

Food Court Tycoon (sim)

Sim Scarlett Johansson (sim)

The Sims: Hospice (sim)

Nintendweebs (pet sim)

High School (rpg)

Whack-a-Male (feminist arcade)

Mormon Missionary (rts)

The Legend of Zelda: The Heartbreak of Psoriasis (action/adventure)

Again With Fucking Myst (adventure)

Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5 based on 225 user reviews.

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