Don’t you think famous people in history should have their own theme songs?

For example, I can never picture Eva Braun without imagining her piddling around the house humming her favorite Sheryl Crow song, “If It Makes You Happy, Then It Can’t Be That Bad.”

Can you think of any other good examples?

I’m always happy to help out Patt Morrison, who has an intelligent and lively show on public matters on KPCC, my home NPR radio station out of Pasadena.

Today’s topic was on happiness.  She had a university expert who’d just done a survey and a woman who’d just written a book on the subject.  In the interest of saving them time, I called in to the show.

Naturally, I was the first caller, and I generously offered my three distilled Rules For Happiness:

1.  Gratitude.  Buddha said that all unhappiness is based on comparison.  I just turn that around.  If you can’t be a glass-half-full person, there’s not much point to getting up in the morning.

2.  Having enough money.  I’m not saying you have to be Donald Trump, but nothing wrecks happiness faster than money trouble (except for maybe health trouble and family trouble).  For the record, the idea that “money doesn’t buy happiness” is a lie spread by rich people.

3.  Identifying activities you really enjoy, then structuring your life so that you can do them.  Here’s where most people mess up.  People commonly say, “I’ll be happy playing with my kids, ” so they get a house deep in the suburbs and commute to work five hours a day leaving no time to see their kids awake.  Plus, lots of people have lousy hobbies.   Find a good one.  For me, or course, it’s sniffing glue and developing talented new underwear models, but everyone has to find his or her own niche.

As long as you have reasonable health, are not in prison, and don’t have any specific psychological challenges, these rules should work for you.  Or your money back.