So here was my first look at the sparkling skyline of Beijing:

No, I didn’t have the Sepia setting turned on on my digital camera.

This is actually what the air in Beijing looked like.

Well, since I was in China, I naturally began looking for its most famous landmark:  The Great Wall!  Turns out, finding it was easier said than done.

The Not Particularly Impressive Wall of China:

The Understated Wall of China: 

Your coorespondent in Tiananmen Square, the LARGEST PUBLIC SQUARE IN THE WORLD!!! (Just ask your tourguide if you don’t believe me!!)

The So-So Wall of China:

And what’s the point of traveling if you don’t make time for a little romance?

The Pretty Dandy Wall of China:

Ah, Esmerelda, my whole life has been leading up to this moment!

The Great Coca-Cola Ad of China:

The Bright Red But Still Disappointing Wall of China:

Insert hump joke here:

The Pretty Darned Impressive Wall of China:

At the Ming Tombs:

The Great Card Game of China:

More Ming Bling:

AT LAST!!  THE ACTUAL GREAT WALL OF CHINA!

Me and The Wall (I’m the one on the foreground):

No, you cannot see it from outer space, no matter what you’ve heard.

Plus it was a complete failure at its mission:  To keep barbarians out.  As proof, see this photo of me and my colleagues moments after breaching the Wall. 

 The lovely Summer Palace:

 It’s true.  I was the Largest Human in China.

 I pose as we set my interview on CNN as being The Largest Human in China:

With my colleague and Fabulous Babe Sara White in The Forbidden City:

Mao/Moi:

Yeah.  The main building that’s used in all the movies was hidden under scaffolding.  Thanks a lot, China.  Can I have my money back now?

 The Temple of Heaven. 

In Japan, statues must wear hats.  Why?  Because the Japanese are crazy.

A remarkably talented street performance duo:

In downtown Tokyo you can have your face carved into a huge jade boulder while you wait.  How do I look?  Does the yellow frame make my cheeks look fat?

And finally, here’s my very favorite Japanese children’s magazine.  Yes, it’s real.  Why would they have a children’s magazine with this title?  Because Japanese people are crazy.