All posts by Ray Ivey

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 5 Comments

Just in case anyone needs reminding, the very worst actor in the world, yea the actor who makes Christopher Lloyd look subtle and honest in the throes of this thespianic efforts, is was and I assume always will be Anthony Heald.

If you mercifully can’t remember this excruciating actor off the top of your head, perhaps you’ll remember him as the vice principal on “Boston Public.” Or as the vicious Judge Wallace Cooper on “The Practice.”

No?

Well, surely you’ll recall his most famous role as the doomed psychiatrist Dr. Fredererick Chilton in “The Silence of the Lambs.” It was the good doctor, you may recall, which was to provide Hannibal Lector’s final meal in the film. Ahh, if only.

I don’t know why he gets hired. But then I don’t know why John Leguizamo gets hired, either.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 191 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 6 Comments

I’ve been working with a nutritionist for several months. She’s been very helpful and encouraging and full of good information about how I can make better choices during my eating day.

Fine. I do my best. I’m working nuts and seeds into my diet. I’m de-emphasizing the white carbs. Try not to eat late at night. And I’m making progress. I don’t look like an Olsen twin yet, but I’m making progress.

Breakfast on work days, however, remains a problem. Getting up thirty minutes earlier so I can have a healthy breakfast at home sounds like a lovely idea, but in practice? Forget about it. The fact that I lumber out of bed at the horrifying hour of 7:00 a.m. is already a huge concession to the realities of having to earn a living. Making it 6:30 just so I can have oatmeal is simply asking too much.

It’s not my fault that there’s a McDonalds two blocks from my house, conveniently situated for me to grab breakfast.

And it’s REALLY not my fault that my standard breakfast of a Egg McMuffin, hash browns, and a medium Diet Coke is quite possibly the world’s most perfect on-the-go morning meal.

I won’t elaborate on the self-evident uber-goodness of the Egg McMuffin and the Diet Coke. The hash browns, however, deserve a little elaboration.

This IS a to-go breakfast, after all, and so what you are served isn’t actually hash browns, it’s a pre-formed, defrosted, ellipse-shaped hash brown patty. And my friends, it is simpy perfection. McDonalds may be the Great Satan of nutrition, but they have gotten the Hash Brown Patty down.

It’s just big enough. It’s just hot enough. It’s just crispy enough. It’s just salty enough.

If one were to discover a McDonald’s hash brown patty occuring natually in nature, it would be the strongest argument ever for the truth of Intelligent Design.

The only thing wrong with a McDonald’s hash brown patty is that it isn’t TEN McDonald’s hash brown patties.

I have tried to explain this to my nutritionist. I proudly tell her that, among the breakfast sandwiches available at national chain fast-food establishments, the Egg McMuffin is actually the healthiest, coming in at a mere 300 calories.

Sometimes I think the only thing that propels me out of bed in the morning is the knowledge that in just a few minutes, I get to eat that delicious, warm, salty, golden-brown hockey puck. Perhaps it’s actually addictive. Perhaps McDonalds laces the potatoes with opium or nicotine. Again, not my fault.

So, while I will continue to try to improve my eating choices at lunch and dinner time, if I have to drive to work at the godforsaken hour of 8:00 a.m., I have earned my McDonald’s breakfast. Don’t try to take it out of my hands and no one gets hurt.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 252 user reviews.

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Movies

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 14 Comments

The Fourteen Ten Best Films of 2007

1. Ratatouille

2. No Country For Old Men

3. Michael Clayton

4. There Will Be Blood

5. In the Valley of Elah

6. Waitress

7. 3:10 to Yuma

8. The Orphanage

9. Juno

10. The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

11. Sweeney Todd

12. Persepolis

13. Gone, Baby, Gone

14. Knocked Up

Honorable Mention: Breach, The Lookout, Enchanted, Hairspray, The Host, Death at a Funeral, The Nines, Superbad, Stardust, Zodiac and Once.

Best Actor

Chris Cooper, Breach

*Tommy Lee Jones, In the Valley of Elah

Viggo Mortensen, Eastern Promises

George Clooney, Michael Clayton

Johnny Depp, Sweeney Todd

Daniel Day-Lewis, There Will Be Blood

Honorable Mention: Richard Gere in The Hoax; Jamie Draven in Badland; Joseph Gordon-Levitt in The Lookout; Ryan Reynolds in The Nines; Christian Bale in 3:10 to Yuma; Casey Affleck in Gone Baby Gone, Jindabyne

Best Actress

Molly Shannon, Year of the Dog

*Julie Christie, Away From Her

Keri Russell, Waitress

Ellen Page, Juno

Amy Adams, Enchanted

Best Supporting Actor

Irfan Khan, The Namesake

Alan Tudyk, Death at a Funeral

Ben Foster, 3:10 to Yuma

*Tom Wilkinson, Michael Clayton

Javier Bardem, No Country For Old Men

Honorable Mention: Tommy Lee Jones in No Country For Old Men; Josh Brolin in American Gangster; Ashraf Barhom in The Kingdom; Armin Muller-Stahl in Eastern Promises; Jeff Bridges in Surf’s Up; Andy Griffith in Waitress; Paul Dano in There Will Be Blood; Peter O’Toole in Ratatouille

Best Supporting Actress

Sigourney Weaver, The TV Set

Tilda Swinton, Michael Clayton

*Amy Ryan, Gone, Baby, Gone

Cate Blanchett, I’m Not There

Honorable Mention: Michelle Pfeiffer in Hairspray and Stardust; Olympia Dukakis in Away From Her; Adrienne Shelley in Waitress; Melissa McCarthy in The Nines

Best Director

Sarah Polley, Away From Her

Paul Haggis, In the Valley of Elah

Tony Gilroy, Michael Clayton

*Brad Bird, Ratatouille

The Coen Brothers, No Country For Old Men

Julian Schnabel, The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Screenplay

Knocked Up

Waitress

3:10 to Yuma

Ratatouille

Superbad

*Michael Clayton

No Country For Old Men

Juno

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Cinematography

*No Country For Old Men

Atonement

The Diving Bell and the Butterfly

Sweeney Todd

300

Musical Score

*Ratatouille

Persopolis

Once

Hairspray

Production Design

*Sweeney Todd

No Country For Old Men

There Will Be Blood

Ratatouille

The Orphanage

Costumes

*Sweeney Todd

Visual Effects

*I Am Legend

Foreign Language Film

Persepolis (France)

Black Book (Netherlands)

*The Orphanage (Spain)

The Band’s Visit (Israel)

Documentary

Flock of Dodos

Maxed Out

Sicko

No End in Sight

*The King of Kong: A Fistful of Quarters

The Eleventh Hour

In the Shadow of the Moon

For the Bible Tells Me So

The Rape of Europa

King Corn

Rodent Love

Why is Ratatouille the best movie of the year? Because it simply does so many things so well. First of all, as an animated film, it’s drop-dead gorgeous. Second, it’s got exceptional character design. Third, its theme is universal: It’s about a kid from the wrong side of the tracks who wants to break into a world that thinks he’s unworthy. Writer/director Brad Bird is like the great Japanese anime directors: He doesn’t treat animation as if it’s a “family film” ghetto. It’s just his method of telling great stories. Finally, the voice work in Ratatouille pushes it over the top. It goes past the traditional gimmickry of using movie stars for all the voices, like so many animated films of today. Brad Bird is a treasure, and I cannot wait to see what he cooks up next.

Movie I Least Expected to Love

Tim Burton’s Sweeney Todd, The Demon Barber of Fleet Street. (But I did!)

Huzzah For Adult Movies!

Or, perhaps I should say, movies for adults. Michael Clayton is a candy store of a movie for grownups. It’s a movie about adult problems, adult responsibilities an adult situations. The dialog is dazzling and is delivered with utter confidence by a spectacular cast. There are so many moments to treasure in this movie that it truly calls for repeated viewings.

Most Woefully Underappreciated

Waitress, 3:10 to Yuma, The Lookout, Jindabyne, The Nines, Death at a Funeral, The Last Legion, Badland

Good Popcorn Movies

Fracture, Grindhouse, Shooter, Shrek 3, Mr. Brooks, Live Free or Die Hard, Transformers, The Kingdom, The Bourne Ultimatum, The Simpsons Movie, The Last Legion, American Gangster, Bee Movie, Shoot’em Up, The Golden Compass, I Am Legend, National Treasure: Book of Secrets

Maybe Not Great, But SO Much Better Than the Boring Book
Atonement

Best Casting of Three People Playing the Same Role

Saoirse Ronan, Romola Garai and Vanessa Redgrave all play Briony in Atonement.

Best Casting of Six People Playing the Same Role

Cate Blanchett, Heath Ledger, Richard Gere, Christian Bale, Ben Wishaw, Marcus Carl Franklin all play (sort of) Bob Dylan in I’m Not There

If You’re Really in a Merchant/Ivory Mood

Amazing Grace

Becoming Jane

Elizabeth: The Golden Age

Best Visual Effects

*300

The Host

The Year’s Best Lines

“It’s when people die in the wrong order. That’s when things get really fucked up.” Deborra-lee Furness tells it like it is in the overlooked Jindabyne

“To tell you the truth, I don’t really know what kind of girl I am.” June fesses up to her parents in Juno.

“It’s a mess, ain’t it sheriff?.” “If it ain’t it’ll do till the mess gets here.” – Tommy Lee Jones and his deputy assess a mess in No Country For Old Men.

Best Costumes

300

Best Remake of Hitchcock’s Rear Window

Disturbia

Best Action Sequence

The wordless chase across the rooftops of Tangiers in The Bourne Ultimatim

Viggo Mortensen takes on assassins in a steamroom in Eastern Promises

The final shootout in The Kingdom

New Genre That I Approve Of

Eco-Horror films. This year’s best example: The Last Winter.

A Good Year for Action Flicks!

The Bourne Ultimatim

Live Free or Die Hard

The Kingdom

The Last Legion

Best Movie in Which A Former James Bond is Impaled on a Miniature Church Steeple

Hot Fuzz

Best Handi-Capable Moment

After losing a leg to zombies, Rose McGowan turns that frown upside down by strapping an Uzi to the stump.

What An Amazing Year for Barbra Streisand’s Stepson

Josh Brolin’s career profile went up several notches in 2007, due to his superb performances in four movies. He played a sick and evil doctor in Grindhouse, an opportunistic lawman in the Valley of Elah, a ferociously corrupt New York City cop in American Gangster, and a foolish fortune-grabber in No Country For Old Men

The Year Ben Affleck Found His True Calling

Directing! Gone, Baby, Gone is enough to make us forgive you for Pearl Harbor and Gigli.

This Year’s Bad But Oddly Enjoyable Sandra Bullock Time Travel Movie

Premonition. Not as good as The Lake House, but still fun in a stupid way.

Not Nearly As Bad As Everyone Said

Lions For Lambs

Funniest Movies

Hott Fuzz

Juno

Death at a Funeral

The Simpsons Movie

Best Gross-Out Joke of 2008

Jonah Hill picks a dancing partner with a very short skirt and a very unfortunate personal hygiene issue in Superbad.

Best One Since The First One

Live Free or Die Hard

Best Western since Unforgiven

3:10 to Yuma

Scariest Movie in a Really Long Time

The Orphanage

Best Monster Movie in a Very Long Time

The Host (South Korea). This feels like the Godzilla movie Hitchcock might have made. Great special effects, very scary monster, plus (and this is the unusual part) wonderful writing and acting to support the human story.

Give Her Some Leads in Big Pictures Already

Maria Bello is ready for her closeup. Give her some meaty roles in big movies!!

Good Year for Jane Austen Dweebs (Like Me)

Becoming Jane

The Jane Austen Book Club

Please May We See More Of . . .

Jindabyne’s Deborra-lee Furness

Stardust’s Charlie Cox

Hairspray’s Nikki Blonsky

The Kingdom’s Ashraf Barhom

Also Joseph Gordon-Levitt, Matthew Goode, Maria Bello, Hugh Dancy, Kathy Baker, Alexander Siddig, Aishwarya Rai.

Who Cares if He Can Act or Not, Just Please Keep Letting Him Make Movies
I’ll watch Josh Hartnett even in dreck like 30 Days of Night.
Most Underappreciated Comeback The wonderful Frank Oz, directing the shockingly underappreciated Death at a Funeral. We can’t even remember the last good movie farce.
The Dogs of 2007 Sunshine. Directed by the talented Danny Boyle (Trainspotting, Millions, Shallow Grave), this big-budget science fiction epic is a shoddy mess. I don’t know what Boyle was smoking, but he needs to take a vacation from filmmaking for awhile if this is the kind of dreck he feels like making.

The Brave One. Clenched-jawed Jodie Foster enters Death Wish territory. Why? Puzzlingly Overrated
Into the Wild. I truly think Sean Penn missed the point of the book.
Further Evidence That Jessica Alba Just May Night Be the Greatest Actress Ever

Fantastic Four: Rise of the Silver Surfer

Enough Already

Ocean’s 13

Misery I Didn’t Need

The Savages

Before the Devil Knows You’re Dead

Most Ludicrously Misleading Ad Campaign

The Bridge to Terebitha. The trailers made it look like Narnia II, when it was actually a sharp and well-acted story about the painful lessons of childhood. It’s one thing when a studio knows it has a bad movie and tries to disguise it as a good movie. But in this instance they actually HAD a good movie and really sunk it with a dumb ad campaign.

Most Disappointing Movies

Across the Universe. I mean, it had mad genius Julie Taymor directing, it had a raft of immortal Beatles songs, and a talented cast? Alas, unless you were a teenage girl, this movie was virtually unwatchable.

Rendition. Even with five of my favorite actors (Reese Witherspoon, Peter Saarsgard, Jake Gyllenhaal, Meryl Streep and Alan Arkin) this movie was thinner, shriller and just not as hard-hitting as I had hoped.

Dan in Real Life. This dreck was unrecognizable as real life to me.

Worst Actress

Once again, Jodie Foster scores as the ludicrous radio-show-host turned gun-toting vigiliante in the repulsive The Brave One. One more win and this award will be renamed for Ms. Foster.

Got any feedback? Please leave a Comment here! Remember, I have no problem when people disagree with me. Having bad taste is your right as an American.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 280 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 1 Comment

Sudoko is just too damned hard. I’m just sayin’.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 196 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 3 Comments

You could argue that I get what I deserve, living as I do in Hollywood, world capital of self-obsession.

But it still turns my stomach to see drivers who stick their resumes onto their personalized license plates.

Like the woman who was blocking traffic yesterday in Century City. Her license plate didn’t say, as would have been more appropriate, “I desperately need more training in driving and manners, ” (you figure out the clever 7-letter abbreviation for that, I’m too spiritually exhausted).

Instead it said, “Emmy 86.”

Well isn’t that special. Pity that with an Emmy didn’t come free driving lessons.

Even worse is John Laroquette’s personalized plate, which says, I kid you not, “MNY EMMYS.”

[pause for collective projectile vomit]

Now, I realize that the rash and ungracious among you might insist on pointing out that I, too, indulge in a personalized license plate. This is true. But as everyone knows, mine is simply my name, which or course isn’t obnoxious or pretentious, it’s whimsical and adorable.

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 199 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

During a Q&A period after, say, a screening or a lecture, is for just that: Questions and Answers.

Let’s review how this works, shall we?

The person in the audience asks a question, which, ideally, is followed with an answer from the speaker.

Notice nowhere did I say anything about the audience member making a stupid, self-aggrandizing speech.

I find myself at Q&A sessions frequently during my rich escapades around the cultural landscape of Los Angeles, and I don’t think I’ve ever managed to sit through one where there weren’t a couple jerks in the audience who raised their hands only to launch into fifteen minute stories about their completely unfascinating lives. This needs to stop.

Please help me spread the word. In this matter, as in so many others, tasers are quite helpful.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 171 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 3 Comments

People who say “bass-ackwards, ” “anyhoo, ” and “coinky-dink.”

Who’s with me?

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 173 user reviews.

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Politics

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey 1 Comment

I realize the bar keeps going down, and there’s not much we can do about it. I realize that politicians, religionists, and network television executives will not stop until our mentality is back in the Stone Age.

But two-time Academy-Award-winner-before-she-was-30 Jodie Foster was someone I used to think of as a standard-bearer. A beacon of class and integrity.

And then she decided to make the new film THE BRAVE ONE.

What was she thinking? Why does she want to be Charles Bronson and remake DEATH WISH? Since when is vigilantism a value worth celebrating and promoting in A-pictures.

Thanks, Jodie. Thanks for joining the Great Unwashed.

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 195 user reviews.

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Politics

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

It just gets better and better. Reeling from their recent expensive litigation settlements to former victims of their employees, the San Diego Diocese is desperate to find a way to pay out without having to sell off any of its precious property.

Their ingenious solution? Ask the faithful to pay the bill! You heard right, sports fans, after years of protecting the monsters who molested their children, the San Diego Catholic Church is asking the parishioners to pay their bill!

Every time I think I can’t be more impressed by the shamelessness and arrogance of those who claim God’s authority, someone raises the bar!!

How can any literate American still patronize this morally (and, hopefully soon, financially) bankrupt organization?

Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 189 user reviews.

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Politics

May 25, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

I guess it’s always good to be reminded in these politically polarized times that politicos of any party can be venal, corrupt assholes.

Today’s reminder was the revelation of how California State Assembly Speaker Fabien Nunez has been abusing his political warchest. A contribution-built fund that’s to be used for campaigning and state business, it has become, evidently, Nunez’ private wish-fulfillment account!

Let’s just look at a few of the expenditures, shall we?

$8, 745 at the Hotel Arts in Barcelona, Spain;

$5, 149 for a “meeting” at Cave L’Avant Garde, a wine seller in France’s Bordeaux region;

$2, 562 for “office expenses” two years apart at Louis Vuitton, a Parisian store that specializes in leather goods, clothing, fashion accessories and jewelry; and

$1, 795 for another “meeting” at Le Grand Colbert, a Parisian restaurant.

$1, 715 at Asia de Cuba, a West Hollywood restaurant;

$2, 428 for a meeting at 58 Degrees and Holding, a Sacramento restaurant;

And on and on. This fund is built largely from organizational giving (such as unions and professional organizations) and contributions from Democratic sucker citizens, like me.

You know who I’m mad at? The California Democratic Party. They’re not getting another red (okay, pink) cent from me until they tie strings to any future monies they give crooks like this, forcing them to use the money properly or not take it.

You may have heard my erudite comments of righteous indignation on “Air Talk” this morning on KCRW-FM.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 293 user reviews.

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