Munich
May 18, 2011 

I always feel ignorant being monolingual.  Unfortunately, I really think I’m past the age where acquiring new languages comes easy.  The fact is, I’ve always been fascinated by languages without having any talent for them at all.

But when I’m in somewhere as multilingual as Europe I REALLY feel ignant.

When I’m interacting with Europeans, I see two behaviors that amuse me. 

People in service occupations are used to customer walking up and addressing them in any number of tongues.  It’s fun to watch them mentally click on a dropdown list and pick the language they think they’ll need.  They are usually correct, also, for whatever reason.  I assume they always know I’m American because I look like I don’t believe in evolution by natural selection, or something like that.

The second reaction is funnier to me.  That’s when I approach them and say, In my best German or French (or Russian), “I’m sorry, I don’t speak _____.”  I then get this look from them.  It’s not an unkind look , really… the thought bubble I imagine I see over their heads reads something like this:

“Okay, don’t scare him.  Speak softly and reassuringly.  Hey, Marcel!  Looks like we’ve got another escapee from the Care Facility for the Victims of Profound Head Injuries.   Ignatz, distract him with something shiny while I pull out my dart gun.  He’s just going to hurt himself out here.  The sooner we can get him back to the home, the better it will be for everyone.”

Frankly, I have trouble even imaginging what it must be like to be able to mentally juggle all those different vocabularies and gramamars and even slang.  I really admire them.

///

Last night my colleagues and I went to a Jewish/Israeli restaurant.  Seriously?  A Jewish restaurant in Munich?  The birth of the Third Reich?  Why not open a nice deli in Damascus?  It boggles the mind.  Why, ifyou were a Jew, would you want to go anywhere NEAR Germany?  For that matter, I’ve never understood why Jewish people bought Mercedes and BMWs, but that’s just me.

Oh, the food at the restaurant?  Meh.

Languages I’d Be Most Interested in Learning If I Was Less Stoopid

• Italian
• Latin
• Arabic