Munich
May 16, 2011 

A Plea for A Little Brevity

Hi, Friend! 

Always great to see you!  You’re looking well.  Why thank you, I’m well, too.

You say you have a problem you think I can help you with?  Terrific.  Please tell me about it.

I see.  I see.  Yes.  I think I understand.  That is indeed A Situation.  And one that I am sure I can help you with.

I believe I understand The Situation.  Thank you for describing it clearly.  Now what shall we do about The Situation?

I see, yes.  You’d like me to take Course of Action in order to help you with The Situation?  Why, I’d be more than happy to help you.  Course of Action is right in my wheelhouse.  You’ve come to the right person to help you with this particular Situation.  Thanks.  I’ll get right on that.  Talk to you later—  what, sorry?

Oh, yes.  That’s right.  You tell me you have a Situation.  Yes, I understand. 

Yes, and you’d like me to take Course of Action.  Yes, that was clear.  I’ve got it.  Thanks again.  Well, I’d better get back to what I was doing…

[Sigh.]  Yes.  Yes.  I promise I heard you the first two times.  You have a Situation.  Got it.  I promise you, I got it the first two times.  Yes.  And you think the only sensible solution is for me to enact Course of Action.  I fully agree with you.  I’ve been agreeing with you for ten minutes.  Yes.  Now if we could just wrap this up . . .

Oh.  My god.  You’re starting back on the loop again.  What is it that I have to do to jar you out of the loop and extricate myself from this increasinly tedious conversation?

Yes.  Course of Action.  I think I am going to set myself on fire now. 

A Situation? Really?  Yes, that is soooo fascinating.  Do you happen to have anything really sharp?

///

Why does this happen?  Why do people not trust that you understand the information the first couple of times they tell it to you?  Why does this converstation take fifteen minutes when it should take two minutes?  That’s thirteen minutes I’ll never get back.

What should be this:

Becomes this ghastly, endless loop:

Why do people do this?  Do they have all day to talk about this issue? I don’t.  How do we extricate ourselves from these excruciationly attenuated conversations without seeming terribly rude?

If Only There Were Polite Escapes From People Who…

• …talk in endless loops
• …tell endless boring stories
• …tell endlless boring stories about their jobs
• …make condescending judgmental statements regarding their beliefs in the supernatural
• …say things like “anyhoo” and “I guess I shouldn’t kid a kidder” and “working hard?  Or hardly working?” or “what can I do you for” or “bassackwards”