Cleveland

Soap Box Alert!!

Two of my sisters have accused me of being a very black-and-white person.  And this is probably true.  I’ve tried in recent years to embrace the shades of gray a little bit more, but on some subjects I find I am unable to.

The main one being whether or not I am a full citizen of this country.

I will fully and freely confess to being guilty of black-and-white thinking on this topic. 

To be sure, gay rights have come a million miles in my lifetime, and that’s fantastic.  But until we have marriage we will remain second-class citizens.

I find I am growing quite weary of the entire argument.  We either have the same rights as everyone else or we don’t.

Let’s break down the classic arguments against marriage equality:

1.  The Bible defines marriage as one man and one woman.

Absolutely, positively untrue.  The Bible defines marriage in many ways.  Usually it’s a union between a man and several women.  In the case of the Abraham (the original patriarch of Judaism, Christianity AND Islam) it was between a man and his sister.  In most of the Bible, women are property.  And divorce is mostly forbidden.

And even if the Bible actually DID define marriage this way  So what?!  Our country is based on The Constitution, not the Bible.  Would you really like our laws to reflect Biblical rules and regulations?  Are you ready for shellfish and cheeseburgers to be illegal?  How red dresses, talking back to your parents, or masturbation?  And, of course, if we’re going to be Biblical, then slavery will have to become legal again.  If you go around claiming our laws should be this way because that’s how it is in the Bible, if you cherry pick the scriptures and leave out the stuff that would be inconvenient to you, you’re a big fat hypocrite.

2.  Why can’t gays be satisfied with Civil Unions?

Two reasons:

First, a little US Supreme Court decision in 1954 called Brown vs. the Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas.  It established once and for all that “separate but equal” is unconstitutional.  So even if marriage and civil unions were exactly equal, this would still be unacceptable.

But civil unions and marriage are NOT equal.  Not even close.  Many of the most important rights and responsibilities in marriage are federal, and civil unions do not bring any of these protections.  So this is still second class citizenship.

3.  We shouldn’t redefine marriage.

Hogwash.  We’ve done it countless times throughout history.  Marriage used to be an exchange of property (a daughter) between one man and another.  Until fairly recently, it was for life (no divorce).  Then divorce was only allowed in the case of adultery.  Then we further redefined marriage with the concept (in many states) of “no-fault” divorce.  Even more recently, laws banning interracial marriage were struck down. 

4.  Gay marriage will destroy “the sanctity” of marriage.

This is wrong on so many levels.

First of all, “sanctity”?  Really?  Do you think all three of Newt Gingrich’s marriages were sacred?  How about Britney Spears’ 40-hour marriage?  If you are really, REALLY concerned about the sanctity of marriage, why aren’t you picketing to take away the civil rights of people who practice The Divorce Lifestyle?  If you aren’t, and yet you oppose gay marriage on “sanctity” grounds, you are a big fat hypocrite.

Finally, you don’t think that gay people treasure their unions just as much as straight people do?  The idea that they somehow don’t is pure homophobia.

5.  Kids need a mom and a dad.

Really?  So why is single parenthood legal?  Why is it legal for two people who have no intention of procreating to get married?  Why is it legal for people who cannot have children to get married?  If you’re going to play the children card, and you don’t call for any marriage that isn’t about to produce children to be illegal, you are a big fat hypocrite.

Beside, EVERY study coming down the pike shows that kids with two loving parents do well, and that the sexual orientation of those two parents is irrelevant.

6.  Gay parents will raise gay children.

Really?  All of my parents are straight.  My dad is straight, and three of the four children he raised are gay.  Hmm.

7.  We live in a democracy.  In state after state, the voters have said NO to gay marriage.

So what?  Civil rights can’t be taken away by a bullying majority.  At least, not forever.  That’s what courts are FOR.  If the majority ruled on issues of civil rights, black people might still have to ride on the back of the bus in the south.  Sometimes the majority is WRONG.

8.  This will lead to people wanting to marry their dogs and their toasters.

No, it won’t.  Neither a dog nor a toaster is a legal consenting adult.

And then there’s possibly the most offensive one of all:

9.  Forcing gay marriage on us restricts my religious freedom.

Really?  How?  No one is going to make you marry someone of the same sex.  And if you think your religious freedom is being restricted because you have to live in a country that has gay marriage, then, well, get over it.  How about the religious freedom of all the millions of Christians to DO support gay marriage?  Doesn’t their religious freedom count as well?

Here’s the thing:  When I think about the 1950s, when there was so very little accurate information about homosexuality out there, and so many lies about it being propagated, it’s kind of understandable when you think about how homophobic people were.  Most people really didn’t know any better. 

But today people know different.  People know better.  People know their gay friends and neighbors are not monsters.   Many people know gay couples.  A growing number of Americans know gay couples with children.

So if you know gay people, if you have gay friends, or a gay cousin, and you like to say you’re not homophobic, and then you go down to the polls and vote against gay marriage, please understand that you are a bigot, pure and simple.  You are like the Southern wife in 1960 who would talk about how much she “loves” her housekeeper, while still supporting segregation.  If that Southerner didn’t want her black maid to have civil rights, then guess what?  She DIDN’T love her.  And if you don’t shout and stamp your feet and vote in support of the absolute full citizenship of your gay friends, brothers, uncles and co-workers, then you do not really care about us.

And if that’s a black and white attitude, Donna and Rachel:  SUE ME.  🙂

FINAL NOTE:  If you’ve read this far, thanks!  And if you’re still unsure about this issue even after my pithy arguments, take a minute and check out Prop 8: The Musical and this stunning testimony by Zach Wahls, a young man with two mothers.