Category Archives: Spring Forward

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Munich
May 16, 2011 

A Plea for A Little Brevity

Hi, Friend! 

Always great to see you!  You’re looking well.  Why thank you, I’m well, too.

You say you have a problem you think I can help you with?  Terrific.  Please tell me about it.

I see.  I see.  Yes.  I think I understand.  That is indeed A Situation.  And one that I am sure I can help you with.

I believe I understand The Situation.  Thank you for describing it clearly.  Now what shall we do about The Situation?

I see, yes.  You’d like me to take Course of Action in order to help you with The Situation?  Why, I’d be more than happy to help you.  Course of Action is right in my wheelhouse.  You’ve come to the right person to help you with this particular Situation.  Thanks.  I’ll get right on that.  Talk to you later—  what, sorry?

Oh, yes.  That’s right.  You tell me you have a Situation.  Yes, I understand. 

Yes, and you’d like me to take Course of Action.  Yes, that was clear.  I’ve got it.  Thanks again.  Well, I’d better get back to what I was doing…

[Sigh.]  Yes.  Yes.  I promise I heard you the first two times.  You have a Situation.  Got it.  I promise you, I got it the first two times.  Yes.  And you think the only sensible solution is for me to enact Course of Action.  I fully agree with you.  I’ve been agreeing with you for ten minutes.  Yes.  Now if we could just wrap this up . . .

Oh.  My god.  You’re starting back on the loop again.  What is it that I have to do to jar you out of the loop and extricate myself from this increasinly tedious conversation?

Yes.  Course of Action.  I think I am going to set myself on fire now. 

A Situation? Really?  Yes, that is soooo fascinating.  Do you happen to have anything really sharp?

///

Why does this happen?  Why do people not trust that you understand the information the first couple of times they tell it to you?  Why does this converstation take fifteen minutes when it should take two minutes?  That’s thirteen minutes I’ll never get back.

 

 

What should be this:

happy chart

Becomes this ghastly, endless loop:

unhappy chart

Why do people do this?  Do they have all day to talk about this issue? I don’t.  How do we extricate ourselves from these excruciationly attenuated conversations without seeming terribly rude?

If Only There Were Polite Escapes From People Who…

  • …talk in endless loops
  • …tell endless boring stories
  • …tell endlless boring stories about their jobs
  • …make condescending judgmental statements regarding their beliefs in the supernatural
  • …say things like “anyhoo” and “I guess I shouldn’t kid a kidder” and “working hard?  Or hardly working?” or “what can I do you for” or “bassackwards”

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 195 user reviews.

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Munich
May 15, 2011 

A Private Segway Tour of Munich

Yes,  sometimes they really dress like this.
Yes, sometimes they really dress like this.

Again got lucky with a tourguide.  No, not that way, get your mind out of the gutter.  My private Segway tour of Munich was led by none other than Tex of City Segway Tours.  Tex is a very interesting guy, a native German whose parents immigrated to Houston when he was a lad.  He had a completely American upbringing , but at age 18 hesitated when it came time for him to choose which citizenship to keep (the United States doesn’t allow dual citizenship for non-minors).  Something in the back of his mind said, “Your German citizenship will come in handy.  Just wait.”

Turns out he was right, as he later met and fell in love with a German girl and followed her back to his native land where he has lived since 1992.  He still returns to the Lone Star State once a year to ge this duck hunting fix, because there’s way too much red tape and waiting in a crowded country like Germany for native duck hunting to be worth it.

Symbology in sculpture:  The lower lion (on the right) has an open mouth,  it's next to the king's palace.   The upper lion (left) has a closed mouth,  and it's next to the big royal church.   Message:  You can criticize the government,  but when it comes to the Church,  keep your damned mouth shut.
Symbology in sculpture: The lower lion (on the right) has an open mouth, it's next to the king's palace. The upper lion (left) has a closed mouth, and it's next to the big royal church. Message: You can criticize the government, but when it comes to the Church, keep your damned mouth shut.

Like all good tourguides, Tex loves his subject, which in this case was, of course, the beautiful city of Munich.  Munich is the capital of Bavaria, which is sort of the Texas of Germany – rich, conservative, and very very proud of its own identity. 

I managed to get through the entire tour without falling this time, and we saw a lot and did far more daring stunts on the Segways than I did in Berlin, including  a slalom run through a row of pilings, dark tunnels by the river and narrow sidewalk passages.  Tex even helped get me a nice slice of video in the Englischer Garten.

Tex the Magnificent!
Tex the Magnificent!

Favorite Urban Parks

  • Englischer Garten, Munich
  • Central Park, Riverside Park, Madison Square Park, New York
  • Forest Park, Fort Worth
  • Lake Calhoun, Minneapolis

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 183 user reviews.

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Salzburg, Austria
May 14, 2011 

Distance Traveled Today:  145 miles

Distance Traveled So Far:  10, 477

A Trip to Soundofmusicland!!

The hills are alive!
The hills are alive!

Saturday morning.  Excited about my day trip to Salzburg, I hurredly showered and got ready.  As I was dressing, I noticed a sound coming from the windows.  A soft pattering sounds.  Not an upleasing sound, yet on this particular day a decidedly unwelcome sound.  With mounting dread, I pulled up the shade.  Rain!  Bah‼ I realized I hadn’t checked the weather for today.  Maybe it’s just Munich, I said to myself, firing up the laptop.  Nope.  Rain in Salzburg also.  Damnit!

The Fortress
The Fortress

So much for my plan of wearing short and a T shirt.  Trying to minimize my martyr-like sighs, I pulled on jeans, a shirt and my stupid, faithful, huge green trenchcoat that has served me so well on this trip.  I made my soggy way over to the main train station.

Do you recognize this fountain?  HINT:  Not a MALE deer,  but a .  .  .   .?
Do you recognize this fountain? HINT: Not a MALE deer, but a . . . .?

An observation:  European cities don’t have the 24 hour mentality that big American cities have.  People actually close their stores on Sundays, not because of archaic Blue Laws, but because, uh, they don’t want to work on Sundays.  City streets in Europe are very very quiet on weekend mornings.  I was practically alone in the subway on my way over to the main train station where I was to meet my tour.

D'oh!!!  Ray: Me.
D'oh!!! Ray: Me.

It was a small tour group of seven:  A nice young Toronto straight couple in their 20s, a very friendly and uber- gay couple from Vegas, a sinfully handsome young Omani named Abdullah, a German woman who didn’t say ten words the entire day except for fretting over the trail of personal belongings she lost across the city of Salzburg, and your faithful correspondent.alps

Our tourguide was Susan, an eight months pregnant half-German, half-English sweetheart who was moonlighting while in the middle of her three-YEAR paid maternity leave from her regular job.

My new pal Abdullah
My new pal Abdullah

It was a lovely two-hour train ride southeast to Salzburg, city famous for salt (hence its name), Christian Doppler (yes, discover of the eponymous Effect), Mozart, and that little musical film starring who was it again?  Oh, yes, I think it might have been Julie Andrews.  I warned John of Toronto that, due to the campy nature of the tour, that exposure to too many of the day’s projected locations could spontaneously turn him at least temporarily homosexual.  He noted the warning with good humor.

Stupid Rain!

For only three Euro,  you can take a couple of potshots at the town.   It's all in good fun,  and it keeps the population in check.
For only three Euro, you can take a couple of potshots at the town. It's all in good fun, and it keeps the population in check.

When we got there, things were pretty gloomy for the walking tour portion of our day.  I was constantly putting my camera back into its protective plastic bag between shots.  We began to work our way through some of the major locations in the film.  I got a shot at what I call the “Do Re Mi” fountain, the plaza where Maria sings the written-for-the-movie “I Have Confidence, ” and even a shot in the graveyard where th efamily hid from Nazis.  Of course, in the film the graveyard was on a soundstage, but the event evidently actually occurred in this particular graveyard.

Leisl!  Friedrich!  Don't let the Nazis see you!!
Leisl! Friedrich! Don't let the Nazis see you!!

Of course the city has much more to offer than just Sound of Music porno for middle-aged Americans.  It’s a perfectly beautiful place, well worth a visit even if you were utterly indifferent to screen adaptations of Rogers and Hammerstein musicals.

This beautiful statue of Mary is part of a cool optical illusion.   The cherubs who seem to be crowning her are actually on the exterior of the church about 60 yards behind this statue.   You have to stand in the exact spot where this photo was taken to make it look like she's about to have the crown placed on her head.   Those tricksy sculptors!
This beautiful statue of Mary is part of a cool optical illusion. The cherubs who seem to be crowning her are actually on the exterior of the church about 60 yards behind this statue. You have to stand in the exact spot where this photo was taken to make it look like she's about to have the crown placed on her head. Those tricksy sculptors!

Happily, when the walking tour was done and our free time began, the sun came gloriously out and I headed up the funicular to the spectacular hilltop fortress with the other homos.  At the top is where I managed to get my obligatory “Julie spinning on a mountaintop” photo.  I then had a lovely lunch with the Mos, who are named Dave and Sing.

That Wacky Darwin

After a few minutes Abdullah joined us as well.  I’m tempted to say that made us a quartet of queers, but of course I cannot be sure about Abdullah.  For all I know he’s as pure, 100% straight as Ted Haggard.  Abdullah, if you are reading this, I promise you I have no intention to offend, and also I freely admit that my gaydar is notoriously unreliable, particularly when the data is very likely distorted by wishful thinking.  But be that as it may.

I have confidence in Julie!
I have confidence in Julie!

He told me that, while still conservative, Oman isn’t nearly as repressiv e as Saudi Arabia and some other Islamic states.  Many women wear the burka, but it’s entirely voluntary.

Abdullah works in media in Abu Dhabi (which is more liberal than Oman), and has a college degree in, of all things, English Literature.  I asked him who his favorite writers in English were.  He told me he preferred American writers to British writers (booyah) and that he was particularly fond of Huckleberry Finn.  I said, “Believe it or not, that book is still controversial in American schools, ” which amazed him.  I said it was amazing how some controversial books can stay controversial for long periods of time. 

“]”][REJECTED SALZBURG PHOTO LOCATION]
REJECTED SALZBURG PHOTO LOCATION
“Take Charles Darwin’s On the Origin of Species.  It’s still very controversial in America.”

Abdullah nodded emphatically.  “Oh, yes, it is in my country too.  People don’t like that book.”

“Really?”

This is what they used for the exterior of the Von Trapp villa in the film.   It's smaller than I would have expected.   The magic of the movies,  huh?
This is what they used for the exterior of the Von Trapp villa in the film. It's smaller than I would have expected. The magic of the movies, huh?

“Yes.  We are taught that Adam and Eve were the first people, and they had a child of each color, and that’s how all the races were made.”

I remained calm.  I smiled.

Yes,  as in the Effect
Yes, as in the Effect

“Okay… you do realize that isn’t true, right?”

“I don’t know.  What I told you is simply the story we are taught from the Koran.”  He clearly seemed conflicted on the issue.  And the more he talked, the more I understood that this isn’t a kid who’s wants to refuse to budge from the familiar thinking he grew up with.  He’s done a lot of traveling, and is clearly curious about the world.  We talked about other books and Dave and I insisted that he should consider trying To Kill a Mockingbird, a title he eagerly wrote down.  We told him the story of Truman Capote and Harper Lee, and how many people believe Harper Lee didn’t actually write the book (I am not one of them).main_street

The birthplace.
The birthplace.

This July he’ll be heading to Wyoming, of all places, to do some sort of very fancy internship that he applied to more than once before getting accepted.  He’s a really good guy, and we wished him well in his continuing adventures.

On the train ride back I had a nice long chat with the Toronto couple, who eventually admitted to me that they were evangelical Christians.  This surprised me, simply because I don’t think of Canadians as being that evangelical.  “We’re a very small community in Toronto, ” they said.  They were in the middle of a three week romp across Italy, Germany, France and the UK.

The very McDonalds where Maria took the children in the movie.   Remember how mad Christopher Plummer got?  I loved the song!  "Hurry,  hurry,  Gretl,  hurry,  finish eating your McFlurry...." etc.
The very McDonalds where Maria took the children in the movie. Remember how mad Christopher Plummer got? I loved the song! "Hurry, hurry, Gretl, hurry, finish eating your McFlurry...." etc.

Oh, Please Stop Believin’

A peek at the old city wall
A peek at the old city wall

Speaking of irrational belief, when I got back to Munich and said so long to my fellow tour members, I sat down to grab a quick bite and had to endure, over the loudspeaker, one more rendition of Journey’s “Don’t Stop Believin’.”  I swear, this song is following me everywhere on this trip.  It needs to stop.  I can think of few songs which are so famous and so beloved and so enduringly popular and yet so vapid and uninteresting.  I sincerely don’t get why people are so fond of that damned song.  I much prefer the soulful “Lights.”  Don’t you?

I was somewhat pleased with my excursion to Salzburg.  It wasn’t a complete success; the weather compromised my photo opportunities.  Also, since this was just a day trip, we couldn’t see some of the most important movie locations, like the gazebo and the palace used for the Von Trapp family villa.  Also, the convent and the place where the family performed were not available for photos.  But still, I got some fun shots, and it’s a perfectly charming, beautiful place.  I’d go back in a musical-comedy heartbeat.the_at_the_ball_under_that_one

Well-Beloved Boring Mediocre Pop Songs

  • “Juke Box Hero, ” Foreigner
  • “Private Dancer, ” Tina Turner
  • “Roxanne, ” The Police
  • “Don’t You Want Me, ” by Human League
  • “Do You Really Want to Hurt Me, ” Culture Club
  • Every Journey hit except for “Lights”
  • Pachelbel’s Canon (a three hundred year old pop song that still torments us)

old_town_from_fortresssteeple_2

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 178 user reviews.

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Munich
May 13, 2011 

Escaped Another Friday 13th Unscathed!

Very famous and beloved bathhouse
Very famous and beloved bathhouse

Took a fun walk after work today.  I went past the surfers on the Eisbach and got some pictures, but cleverly forgot to get video, duh!  I’ll go back for that.

You have to wait your turn to surf the Eisbad.
You have to wait your turn to surf the Eisbad.

Then I walked the length of one of Munichs’ four “royal streets” – this one was Ludwigstrasse.  Named for Ludwig the 1st it’s a stately street whith many terrific buildings, the University, and Munich’s most famous piece of public art:  Jonathan Borofsky’s 17 meter tall “Walking Man.”  It’s a stunning piece made of a steel frame with a fiberglass coating.  As simple as its design is, it’s very engaging and appealing.  I think the reason I like it so much is that he’s moving “out of the frame, ” so to speak, one of his arms extending past the grassy area he’s in so that it’s reaching of the pedestrian sidewalk.  My tourgude on Saturday justly referred to him as the Eunuch From Munich.

The Walking Man
The majestic, yet playful, Walking Man

Borofsky is an American artist who is most famous for his “Hammering Man” statues that have been installed in Basel, Dallas, Los Angeles, Minneapolis, New York, Seattle, Denver, Washington, D.C., Seoul, Frankfurt, and Lillestrøm, Norway.

At the end of my walk I had some decent enchiladas at a popular Mexican cantina.

My Favorite Mexican Restaurants

  • The original Chuy’s on Barton Springs in Austin
  • Las Palapas (any one of them) in San Antonio
  • Maria’s Taco Xpress on Lamar, Austin
  • Lucy’s El Adobe across the street from Paramount, Hollywood
  • Gardens of Taxco on Harper, West Hollywood

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 258 user reviews.

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Munich
May 12, 2011 

Munich surfer!
Munich surfer!

For three nights in a row here in Munich, I’ve gone to dinner with colleagues.  Now, don’t get me wrong, I enjoy them and had a great time.  But I can’t get used to the concept that, if I agree to to dinner, I have to realize that there’s nothing else I’ll get to do that night except crawl back to my hotel and go to bed.

Oh, well, it’s not as if I really did have anything important to do back in the hotel room.  But it still takes some getting used to.roof_1

I think the main reason I find it exhausting is that, if I’m still with clients, no matter how congenial things get – and they’ve gotten pretty damn congenial on this trip – I’m still on guard.  I’m still a little bit “at work.”  Meaning I’m not really relaxed.  That’s why I feel a little bit “behind” when I get to my hotel at midnight and I haven’t really had a chance to unwind from the day.

On the other hand, our four hour dinner last night was wonderful.  I had the best schnitzel I’ve had to date.  Ordering schnitzel was a bit of a cop-out, since we were in a noted Bavarian restaurant, and schitzel is of course Austrian, but I’m still glad I ordered it.  Yum.

 

//

young_surferAt lunch we checked out the surfers.  Surfers in Munich?  You betcha.  There’s a small canal called the Eisbach which flows through the central part of the city and then through the massive Englischer Garten.  Right where it enters the park, there’s a natural wave that local surfers have augmented with blocks (or maybe a tree trunk) a bit below the surface.  And on this wave, which is all of 15 meters wide, they take turns surfing!  It’s really something to see.

Complete List of Surfing Movies I’ve Seen

  • Riding Giants (2004)

Average Rating: 5 out of 5 based on 246 user reviews.

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Munich
May 11, 2011 

onion_domeAnother gorgeous day in the Bavarian capital. 

Work is going swimmingly, and even if it wasn’t, I wouldn’t talk about that here.  Sorry.  But it really is going well.

moody_steeplesDuring my Potsdam tour on Saturday I realized, again, how woefully ignorant I am of continental European history.  The stories of the rulers of Prussia that I heard on the tour were so interesting  that I went to Amazon to look for a book that could shore up my education a bit.  I decided on The Iron Kingdom:  The Rise and Downfall of Prussia, 1600-1947 by Christopher Clark.  It’s a huge 800+ page book, and while it’s a bit dry, I’m still enjoying it, and it’s full of great information where my knowledge is sorely lacking.  I hope I have the patience to finish reading it.  I’m about 17% of the way through it now.

Favorite History Books

  • The Proud Tower by Barbara Tuchman
  • Peter the Great by Robert K. Massie
  • Salt by Mark Kurlansky
  • A History of Venice by John Julius Norwich
  • The Bridge at Andau by James Michener
  • The Great Bridge:  The Epic Story of the Bulding of the Brooklyn Bridge by David McCullough

    What the hell is this?
    What the hell is this?

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 239 user reviews.

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Munich
May 10, 2011 

This church was built in thanks to God for a much-needed royal male heir.
This church was built in thanks to God for a much-needed royal male heir.

Thanks to a great suggestion from the office manager here in Munich, I am now booked on a tour of Salzburg for this Saturday!  I didn’t realize how close Munich was to that magical city.  I’m looking forward to my Sound of Music tour!

Looks like a minaret,  but it's actually a chimney.
Looks like a minaret, but it's actually a chimney.

///

Realized today that I need to work harder on my German food word vocabulary.  We went to a cafeteria today and I inadvertently got duck breast curry.  Ew.  Icky poo. 

Places I’ve Had Duck Meals That I Didn’t Enjoy

  • Beijing
  • Munich

 

Dinner was better.  Bert and I fired up his cell phone, hooked up the GPS, and navigated our way to the nearest McDonalds.  Sometimes you just have to go for cheap comfort food.

Very popular poplars
Very popular poplars

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 271 user reviews.

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Munich
May 9, 2011 

Back in beautiful Munich!  This is the last destination on my trip that I have been to before.  I was here in 2006 for three weeks when I was doing an earlier project for this same client.

The Peace Angel at sunset.
The Peace Angel at sunset.

Despite the internet problems, it’s nice that the hotel is just a ten minute walk from the office.  This is a huge improvement over last time, when it was a walk, a subway ride, then another walk. 

There’s also been a lot of turnover in the Munich office as well, even though it’s the same facilities as the last time.  

///

I’m frequently astonished at what employees will tell a contractor.  I’ll be having lunch with someone and they’ll just start confiding in me.  I don’t mind, but I think the risk they take when they do this is breathtaking.  They don’t know me!  They don’t know that I’ll keep my mouth shut.  It’s just their dumb luck that I actually will keep the things they say in confidence.  But if I was a reckless asshole I could cause some real damage.

///

One of my colleagues from the Brussels office is in Munich this week to help us, and it was good to see him again.  We had a very nice Italian dinner that basically took all night. 

Going to dinner in Europe is a very, very, VERY different activity from going to dinner in the States. boards

In America, going to dinner is frequently the first part of an evening.  You eat, then you go to a movie, or a good hanging.  Or it’s something to do because work is done and you’re hungry. 

In Europe going to dinner is your evening. 

The entire vibe of meals in restaurants in Europe is very different than in the States.  The service is much more passive.  There’s none of that, “Hi, I’m Tamerlane, and I’ll be your server tonight, ” crap.  On the other hand, the staff at every restaurant here seems to assume that you have all day or night to complete your meal.  They seem utterly uninterested in “turning the table.”  This is nice ifyou really do have all the time in the world; a bit frustrating if you don’t.

headSo, while I enjoyed our three hour dinner, by the time I got back to my room it was so late and I was so tired I just read a bit and conked out. 

Things Clients Have Confided in Me Over The Years[1]

  • I kill people for a living.
  • I’m really a man.
  • I voted for Christine O’Donnell
  • I actually read Playboy for the articles.
  • I love you.
  • I am so stupid I think Bambi was a fish.

 


[1] Just kidding.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 226 user reviews.

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Berlin/Munich
May 8, 2011 

Distance Traveled today:  362

Distance So Far:  9964   10, 326

Red letter day:  Passed the 10, 000 mile mark‼

steeple_3Speaking of my ease with the public transportation system in Berlin, I do have to say that I am good at this.  This traveling thing.  You can plop me down in a strange city and I figure out what I need to figure out with a minimum of hand-wringing or fretting.  I’m not intimidated by figuring out the subway maps, or using my non-existent prowess in the local language to find out what I need to find out, or anything.

When I got here Monday night, I was tired, and I stumbled about the gigantic and intimidating Alexanderplatz train station trying to figure out how to buy my week transport pass.  A few days go by, and you should have seen me this morning:  Hopped off my train, gathered my breakfast from three different vendors all on the way to the tour meeting place, nary a misstep, and I got there early.  I am good at this, if I do say so myself.  And I do.

///

The train ride was pleasant, but could have been nicer.  I had splurged for a (not very expensive) first class ticket, and had even reserved a seat in the “Quiet Car.”  Nice.steeple_1

I hauled my luggage into a cab and headed to the train station, had breakfast at McDonalds (real American breakfast, Egg McMuffin, just like God intended), and then made my way to the gleaming ICE Train.  Found my seat, got settled in . .  and then in came Mommy and her Loudmouthed German Daughter.  In the Quiet Car?!?  A young child and a Quiet Zone simply don’t go together.  What was she thinking?

The Sony Center at Postdamer Platz
The Sony Center at Postdamer Platz

Anyway, the kid wasn’t too bad and I thoroughly enjoyed the six hour ride.

///

The Munich Palace Hotel is, despite its name, a small boutique “luxury” hotel just a short walk (yay!) from the Client’s office.  The only problem?  NO FREE INTERNET.  I am afraid I threw a bit of a fit.  “Really?   In 2011? Making me pay for internet is like charging me for towels and soap!”  It’s expensive, too, and not even that good a connection.

I considered doing without the internet in my room in the evenings.  I considered this plan for about as long as it would take you to list all the good Adam Sandler movies.  I realized that, particularly without a phone, it would just be too depressing.  This is a very long trip, and I’ve really grown to need the connection I feel through my laptop.  The manager of the hotel is working on getting me something of a deal for my 12 days here.  Fingers crossed.

///

steeple_2By the way, what is it with Germany and its gay kings?

Notable German Rules Who Were Or Who Probably Were Friends of Dorothy

  • Frederich Wilhelm I of Prussia – obsessed with tall soldiers
  • Frederich II (The Great) of Prussia – his dad (Frederich Wilhelm I, who you’d think would have been a bit more understanding, considering his thing for soldiers) had his first boyfriend executed
  • Ludwig II of Bavaria – constructed Neuschwanstein Castle, probably the gayest castle in Europe

Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 282 user reviews.

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Potsdam
May 7, 2011 

Distance Traveled today:  30

Distance So Far:  9964

[NOTE:  Since I was on a bicycle all day and my camera is big, heavy, fragile and expensive, I had to leave it behind.  So no actual photos of Potsam, very sorry about this.  It is a beautiful place and I encourage you to look it up.]

Full day excursion to the palace-strewn town of Potsdam.  First time I’ve been on a bicycle in seventeen years, believe it or not. 

The Spree River winds its way through Berlin
The Spree River winds its way through Berlin

The very last time I was ever on a bicycle was in May lf 1994, at the closing ceremonies of the very first California AIDS Ride.  I had just bicycled my way from San Francisco to Los Angeles, which was the only physically impressive thing that I’ve ever done in my life. 

I loved the event, loved that I had done every mile on my own, and returned to work as a non-riding volunteer for nine more rides.  But the experience also cured me, permanently, of cycling. 

After my tumble on the Segway on Tuesday I was a tiny bit apprehensive, but I did fine.  No falling.

You see these networks of pipes all over the city.   They are an attempt to fortify the water table and thereby slow down the scary process of all of Berlin's old buildings sinking into the swamp.
You see these networks of pipes all over the city. They are an attempt to fortify the water table and thereby slow down the scary process of all of Berlin's old buildings sinking into the swamp.

Potsdam is beautiful, and of course wildly historical.  We got to stand in the very room and see the very table where Truman, Stalin and Churchill hammered out the disposition of Europe, and particularly of Germany, at the end of the War. 

I also had the opportunity to be a tiny bit patriotic early in the day.  The way the tour worked is that we all met at the Fat Tire Bike headquarters, got our bikes, and then hauled them on to the commuter train to Potsdam.  There was a nice family of Kiwis in the tour group, and after we arrived at the leafy retreat some fifteen miles out of Berlin, he reported that the train carriage they had been on had been populated by a group of unruly skinheads.  “They were singing illegal songs, ” Kiwi Dad said.

Songs can be ‘illegal’”? I asked, knowing full well exactly where this was going.

“Here in Germany they can.”  Clearly he was talking about Nazi songs.

steeple_2I am an asshole, so I continued.  “So . .  Germany doesn’t have freedom of speech, then.”

“Well, not on this subject.”

I replied, without a trace of haughtiness, “Well, I come from a country where even unpopular speech is protected.”

“Oh, yeah, what country?”

“The United States of America.”

He scoffed.  “Yeah, right, how about that radio DJ who lost his job.”

“You mean Don Imus?  First, he’s rich and immediately got another job so don’t worry about him.  Second, he was fired by the private company he worked for.  Free Speech means the government cannot censor you.”

“Oh.  Yeah.  Good point.”

OWNED!!! 

USA: 1, New Zealand:  0.

Why indeed?
Why indeed?

Now, don’t get me wrong.  I’m certainly not interested in supporting the singing of Nazi songs on public trains.  But I think it’s a mistake that Germany makes the swastika and other Nazi stuff literally illegal.  If we only protect the speech we like, then speech isn’t free.

///

It’s my last day in Berlin.  I’ve enjoyed my time in this beautiful but ragged city.  I think my favorite aspect of the city is its spectacular public transportation system.  I have been without a car in Los Angeles since last summer, and I have to tell you that, except for commuting to and from downtown during rush hour, it SUCKS to not have a car in LA.  But it would totally be possible here in Berlin.  Between the trams, buses, subways, and commuter trains, you can get where you need to go, and get there quickly and easily.  I’ve been jetting around the city like a native.

///

Also a good day, kid-wise.  I’m usually no good with kids.  My only play is video games, and that opens the door for me sometimes, but not always.  For some reason, however, the kids on today’s tour found me unendingly fascinating.

At two different points in the tour, a diferent kid latched onto me.  While we were tooling around Potsdam on the bikes, 10-year old New Zealander William (or Wilhelm, as I insisted on calling him) reminded me, almost painfully, of myself at his age.  A real motormouth know-it-all.  Obviously a voracious reader, already well-versed in history (you could tell this by the questions he asked during the tourguide’s various spiels).

He was one of those “Didja know?!” kids.  Every thirty seconds there would be a new “Didja know?!”  I tormented my father and other adults with this syndrome for a few years, so it was pretty esy to be tolerant.  The only disturbing thing was that he informed me that his parents didn’t let him play video games.  I’m sure there is a Family Services type agency in Holland where they are living that I can contact.

On the train ride back, young Adam, four going on five, wouldn’t budge an inch from me.  His family was in Berlin while his Dad worked on a film.  They were  a nice foursome from The Valley.  Adam showed off a birthday gift – a tiny cheetah.  I told him that on a recent birthday of my own, I’d seen a real cheetah at the San Diego Wild Animal Park.  Of course as a fellow Californian, he’d been there also.  Then he proceeded to ruthlessly quiz me on my feeble German vocabulary.  I realized I actually knew more German words than I thought I knew, as I had to keep pulling them out of my head.  “What othe rwords do you know?!” he’d demand immediately after I’d produce a translated word.  The next day was his fifth birthday, and he was to spend it with his sister and parents at the Olympia Stadium, where there was to be a big medieval jousting tournament.  Pretty cool birthday, I said.

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