Obama is Not a Muslim (No Matter How Badly You Want Him to Be)

All of my grandparents were Christian.

Both of my parents were raised Christian.

I spent two years in Episcopal schools!  I spent twenty years attending Southern Baptist churches.  My old copy of The New American Standard Bible is as marked up and highlighted as a college textbook.

The summer after my senior year in high school, I won Second Place in the State of Texas in the Baptist Youth Speakers Tournament.  Also that summer, I went on a mission trip to California, where I proselytized the Good News to innocent children and families in Yosemite Park.

There are hundreds of witnesses who can attest to my participation in all these Christian activities.  People who could cheerfully stand in front of a news camera and attest to the fact that, at least in 1976, I was a staunch devotee of Jesus Christ.

And yet, despite this avalanche of damning evidence to the contrary, I solemnly aver that I am not a Christian.  Incredible?  Unlikely?  Impossible to believe?

But true.  I have not been a Christian since 1979.

None of my friends seem to have a problem understanding this fact.  My friends who are still Christian are sometimes plenty irritated with me, I’m so very much NOT a Christian these days.  My friends understand that my religion is what I say it is, right now.

And yet, millions of Right-Wing pinheads in this country won’t afford the same courtesy to the President of the United States.

Obama’s middle name is Hussein.  [gasp!]  His grandfather was an African Muslim [sharp intake of breath!]  Even worse, Obama has consistently spoken with inclusion and good will to Muslim world.  [scandalous!!]

Obama’s father, though raised a Muslim, was, like me, a confirmed atheist before he was out of college.

Did Obama live in Muslim countries when he was young?  Uh, yeah, he did.  So did my friends David Givens and Amy Fox.  And I’m pretty sure neither one of them are Muslim.

Obama has written extensively about his life.  NOWHERE in these writings does he claim to be anything other than a Christian.

So what do you believe, Right-Wingers?  That from before he was a teenager, Obama had a secret plan to lead America into the evils of Sharia Law by initiating a lifelong deception about his religion?

He went to a Christian Church in Chicago for twenty years.  Was that all a ruse?

Are you people in third grade?

Do you know anything about Islam at all?  If you did, you’d understand that it’s not really possible to be a Secret Muslim.

Unlike Christianity, which does not require any outward change in your behavior at all (lots of suggestions, but no requirements), when you become a Muslim you actually have to do things.  Two very visible examples of this are having to eat halal (the Muslim equivalent of kosher) and the ritual of the Salah.

If Obama was a Secret Muslim, the food service people in the White House would know it, since every meal they would have prepared for the President for the last four years would have had to be halal.  This is not something that could be done without attracting a lot of attention.

The Salah is the required ritual of prayer every Muslim must fulfill at five absolutely specific times per day.  I’m talking about the prayer mat, the facing Mecca thing, etc.

There is absolutely no way any President could perform this ritual for four years, five times a day, and word of it not get out.  And guess what?  If Obama doesn’t observe the Salah, he’s not a Muslim.  Yeah, that’s how that works.

And one more thing.  What if it were true?  What if the President was a Muslim?  You realize that to object to that is un-American and unconstitutional, right?  Yeah, it’s in the Constitution that no religious test ever be required for political office in the United States.  That Religious Freedom thing you keep wailing about?  It cuts all ways.  It applies to Muslims, too.  You can be a real American and be a Catholic, a Baptist, a Buddhist, a Wiccan, a Hindu, a Muslim, or even someone who has no religion at all, like me.  And if you disagree with the preceding sentence, you are a religious bigot who doesn’t respect the Constitution.

I understand that many of you despise our President.  I get it.  I felt the same way about Bush II.  But here’s the key difference in how Democrats expressed their political dissatisfaction compared to a huge percentage of self-identifying Republicans today:

We didn’t make stupid shit up about the President  We talked about the REAL things about George Bush that we didn’t like.

The Right-Wing Obama Fantasists have created an utterly fictional Obama.  It’s childish, un-American, and pathetic.

I’ll listen to you rail against Obamacare all day.  I’ll hear your disagreement with the rollback of Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell.  You can talk to me about any policy the Obama Administration has enacted that you disagree with.  We’re all Americans, let’s argue about politics!

But I am done listening to you spread irresponsible and childish lies about the lawfully elected President of the United States.

Have the stones to criticize our Actual president.  Not some made up, racist fantasy.

Grow the fuck up.