July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

I guess they can’t all be gems.

I guess I had it coming. My first two travel days on this work trip were letter-perfect. Empty planes, good seats, early arrivals, rental cars right in the terminals, the whole enchilada.

Not so much yesterday.

After two weeks of extreme cold and snow, Madison did its part to make my exit special by having an actual ice storm the night before I left. So my day began in 10 degree weather, scraping ice off of every glass surface of my rental car. And let me tell you, this was tough ice. Getting it off was like a trip to the gym in terms of effort and calories expended.

Okay, so I made it through that hurdle. Got to the airport and attempted to check in at the Delta self-serve kiosk. I’m used to these, so there should have been no problem. And there wasn’t until the point where I paid to check my excess (that is to say, my ONE) bag. The machine spit out my receipt and that was that. No mention of where to actually take my bag. No attendant behind the counter (although it was marked OPEN). No clue whatsoever.

Thanks, Delta! I guess you’re ready when I am because you don’t feel bothered to actually have to DO anything to GET ready, huh?

Next highlight of the day: The airport security goons broke my CPAP machine. Thanks, TSA!!

Next: Horrible coach seat with my knees crammed into the seat above me. This situation was made extra-special when the woman in front of me leaned her seat back, leaving me without even enough room to hold a book in front of my face. Thanks, Airbus!

Final insult: The cab ride to Apria Healthcare (to get the CPAP fixed) and then home was one of those times when you just find yourself in the seventh circle of Hell, LA-traffic-wise.

On the bright side, the machine is working. I talked the woman in front of me into moving her seat up (I bought her drinks to say thank you), and I got home safe.

So there.

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 153 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey 2 Comments

Today at lunch I was enjoying a small bag of Mrs. Vickers potato chips. I absently picked up the bag and read the text on the back. The color text bragged that Mrs. V used “farm-grown potatoes” to make her delicious snack.

Really? Farm-grown? Impressive!

On the other hand . . . what else would they be? Music-conservatory-grown? Congress-grown? Submarine-grown?

I get really annoyed with advertising and other product copy that wrings the very meaning out of language.

Don’t get me wrong. I understand that the sizzle sells the steak. Other premium potato chips have their bags tarted up with perfectly sexy language. Terra Chips uses “all-natural Yukon Gold” potatoes. Makes sense. Kettle’s krinkle-cut chips boast “wavy-potato perfection.” I get it.

But those phrases actually mean something. But “farm-raised potatoes”? That reminds me of the cookie ingredient list I once read which listed “creamery butter.” Really? As opposed to . . . Insecticide Refinery Butter? Furniture Factory Butter? Since the word “creamery” means “a place where dairy products are made, ” I’m pretty sure all butter is “creamery” butter.

Another one that gets me is the vile practice of all three major television networks to refer to upcoming episodes of their series as “all-new.” What does “all-new” mean? I’m pretty sure it means “new.” Unfortunately, some marketing person decided that “all-new” sounded sexier, and the term has now become standard.

I love language, and I understand that, at least until the entire population of our country is functionally illiterate, that language will be used to sell products. I just wish the professionals wouldn’t insult us by using language which has absolutely no meaning.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 227 user reviews.

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Travel

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

1) When you’re traveling somewhere like Buffalo in February, and you rent a car . . . make sure the morons have put an ice scraper in the car before you leave.

2) An ice scraper is too sharp to be used as a back scratcher.

That is all.

Average Rating: 5 out of 5 based on 252 user reviews.

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Travel

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Two of my favorite qualities in an airport:

1. Be a small, older, in-town airport. Examples: Love Field in Dallas; Hobby in Houston; Long Beach, Burbank and John Wayne in Southern California.

2. Have the rental cars at the terminal, rather than some desperate, annoying shuttle trip to the far edges of the known universe. Examples: Orlando, Buffalo, Madison.

When I get off the plane, I don’t feel like waiting for boarding and riding some stupid shuttle. I want my car and I want it now.

Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 283 user reviews.

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Games, Reading Material

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Spore is a recently-released computer game from legendary designer Wil Wright. In it you guide the evolution and development of a life form and its civilization from creation, single-cell life through space exploration. One of the interesting things about the game is that you can upload your creations onto the internet and have them interact with that of other Spore players. The gaming community is full of endlessly creative maniacs. Naturally, there very quickly emerged a slew of user-created creatures who were, shall we say, genitally inclined. A new term was coined: SPORN. Yay!

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 239 user reviews.

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Travel

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Okay, I get that all airlines on the planet are now charging me to check my bag. I understand that you’re still paying the prices for gas based on the deals you made before gas tanked last year.*

However, it’s adding insult to injury when your magical check-in kiosk refers to my ONE bag as EXCESS baggage.

One bag is NOT “excess.” It’s just one bag.

Calling it “excess” is not only stupid and cheesy, but it sounds like it’s trying to make the $15 fee for checking my bag my fault. And it’s not.

I mentioned this to the human attendant (I’m a giver) and her terse reply was, “There’s no way to change how the computer program refers to the bag.”

“Wrong!” I said, helpfully. “SOMEone knows how to change it, obviously.”

Maybe, perhaps, the person who changed it in the FIRST PLACE to make it charge me for ONE BAG!!!

*GET IT? “Gas tanked“!!! How do I do it?

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 203 user reviews.

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Pronouncements

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Call me crazy, but I’m pretty sure that le toast francais should not be

a) stone cold, or

b) as tough to cut and chew as skirt steak.

Are you listening, Marriott?

Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 152 user reviews.

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Travel

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Strike that. It’s not “cold.”

It’s Oh My Fucking God For the Love of Sweet Tapdancing Jesus Cold.

How do these people endure it?

On the other hand, the heavy snowfall (almost all day pretty much every day I was there) was beautiful. East Aurora (where Fisher Price is located) is a beautiful little town and the job was a pleasure.

All week I was hoping to get to see Niagara Falls in its wintertime splendor. I’ve been there before, but in warm weather.

Today it was snowing so fiercely I didn’t think I’d want to be on the road any extra; just get to the airport and count myself lucky that my clueless California driving skills didn’t get me killed on snowy/icy roads.

HOWEVER I am happy to report that not only did I make it to the Falls, but I got to see BOTH of them.

Both of them? Yup, “Niagara Falls” actually consists of two completely separate falls. The set on the American side (imaginatively named “American Falls”) are not the famous ones you see in the movies and on postcards. That would be “Horseshoe Falls” on the Canadian side.

I had no passport so I knew I couldn’t cross over to Canada to get the proper view of Horseshoe. However, from the north end of Goat Island (yes, it’s really called that) I got a perfectly acceptable view of the famous flow.

The falls were not frozen, but they were amidst tons of ice and snow and were visually quite impressive.

Next: On to American Girl!!

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 174 user reviews.

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Uncategorized

July 28, 2026 Ray Ivey Leave a comment

Yes, tomorrow morning at 6:10 a.m. I get to fly to . . . Buffalo! Yea!!

Actually I’m happy to go. These days I’d go to Newark if you had work for me. I’ll spend a week there teaching at Fisher Price, then it’s off to Madison for a week at American Girl.

I’m not looking forward to taking off in the storm that’s gathering here in Los Angeles. And I certainly hope the weather in Buffalo is better than it was last week.

More tomorrow. I hope.

Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 192 user reviews.

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