New York
April 12, 2011

Alma Mater

I graduated from this school thirty years ago this month, back when still had hopes and dreams and a waistline and my original cardiac arterial connections.

Today I passed my old Alma Mater, The American Academy of Dramatic Arts, on Madison Avenue. I decided to step in and just look around. I was met by a receptionist who wanted to know what the hell I was doing there. “I graduated from here exactly thirty years ago, ” I said. “Really?” She replied. “Today is graduation day, as a matter of fact.”

I looked around at all the kids in their neatly pressed suits and dresses, having just returned from the stage of the Majestic Theater on Broadway where their ceremony had been held. I should have asked who the speaker had been. In April of 1981, when I graduated on the set of Deathtrap at the Music Box Theater, the speakers had been Jessica Tandy, Hume Cronyn and silent screen legend Lillian Gish.

Today’s graduates looked predictably happy, tired and excited. I sure hoped they were smarter than I was thirty years ago. I stifled the impulse to collar some of them and give them some unsolicited advice.

Then I realized the person I really wanted to give advice to was my young, stupid, callow, naïve, hopeful 1981 self. What I really wanted was to jump into a time machine, just for five minutes, and MAKE my 21-year old self listen to some wise words from his future self.

Here’s What I’d Tell My Stupid 21-Year Old 1981 Just-Graduated From Acting School Self

Either get out of show business right now or get a lot smarter about it immediately.
Come out of the damn closet already. There’s no prize for who stays in the longest.[1]
Low carb, low carb, low carb, low carb, low carb.
Resist the impulse to take Meridia without a doctor’s supervision.
Learn about your credit rating. Treat it like your first born child.
Credit cards are The Devil.
It’s not too late to make friends with your own body. Do anything you have to to achieve this.
Did I mention low carb?
You’re skinnier and better looking than you think you are.
Investigate the new and growing world of computer and video gaming. It might be a better career path than acting.
Like the song says, enjoy yourself, but always remember: it’s later than you think.

Friends for thirty-two years. I'm lucky they'll still hang out with me. But then, they don't have to do it very often.

I wonder if I would have listened?

[1] But wait about three years before you start having sex. There’s a scourge coming and it’ll be a little while before they know how you can avoid it.

Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 175 user reviews.

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New York
April 11, 2011

They say our sense of smell triggers our memory more than the other four sense, and I believe it. There’s a place in New York where this comes into play very dramatically: The subway.

A magnificent old Central Park West apartment building.

When I go down into the subway each morning to make my way down to Midtown from the northern reaches of Yorkville on the Upper East Side, the weird gumbo funk of smells that hit my nose take me instantly back to 1979, when I first moved here as a 19 year old.

Growing up in a small town in Texas . . . and HATING being in a small town in Texas . . . you can imagine the impact that the City of New York had on my unformed brain and spirit. I was truly in another world. Riding to work and school on an underground train, the crowds, the buildings, the history, the accents, the speed, the energy, the famous landmarks, Broadway . . . . I walked around in a daze for what seemed like months. The post cards I sent my sister (yeah, remember post cards?) almost had her worried, I sounded so entranced.

Most Memorable Sites From My Early Days in New York

Tiny coffee shops that served you a full breakfast for 55 cents
The Statue of Liberty, and how freaking foam green it was
The insides of Broadway theaters (I couldn’t believe how SMALL most of them were)
The Flatiron Building
The Empire State Building’s Observation Deck
Central Park
Madison Square Park
The crumbling mess that was Times Square in 1979

This stupid building now blocks my friend Gerard's view of the Hudson River. It used to stop at the the whiter portion. We hate this building.

This used to be a fantastic view of the Hudson, damnit.

Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 281 user reviews.