Last night when I was leaving work I ran into my friend Sara on the elevator. She invited me for a drink. There’s this bar in the basement of the building that a lot of the IT folks from the Client like to hang out in. I almost said no. I mean, I don’t drink. But thank goodness I considered my response before my knee-jerk “no.”
There is a very friendly bar hiding deep in this complex.
Reasons to Say No and Go Straight Home to my Empty Hotel Room
I don’t drink!
Those World of Warcraft daily quests won’t do themselves!
That Terry Pratchett book on my Kindle won’t read itself!
That Mario and Luigi game on my Nintendo DS wouldn’t finish itself!
Yeah. I’m that pathetic. For a brief moment those sad, small-minded reasons nearly scuttled my evening. But fortunately, in the instant I was weighing my answer to Sara, my mind ticked off the next list:
Reasons to Say Yes, For Heaven’s Sake
I have NO PLANS (see above list).
I LOVE Sara!
I only see Sara when I’m in Cleveland!
I’m not in Cleveland very often, and I’M IN CLEVELAND NOW.
What the hell is the matter with me!
Happily the second list won.
“I’d love to, ” I said. Thank goodness. Of course I had a wonderful time, club soda or no club soda. Sara is always great company.
Sara and I met, you may remember, in Beijing. Here’s a photo of us on the Great Wall of China:
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I’m finding myself surprisingly intimidated an discombobulated by the spectre of needing to use electrical devices in seven countries without blowing something up, starting a fire, or simply not being able to use one of my devices.
There’s more at stake here than the last time I was in Europe (2006). On that trip, I wasn’t hauling a laptop around. More importantly, I wasn’t hauling a C-PAP machine around.
The C-PAP machine is for my sleep apnea. Getting one changed my life for the better in September 2008. (Blog post: http://rayivey.com/wordpress/?p=137)
I have not slept without it a single night since getting it. I do not intend to have to start sleeping without it just because I am in Estonia. Even in Estonia I will need a good night’s sleep. And, oh yes, a modicum of oxygen to the brain.
So. I have to evaluate all of my gadgets and determine which ones will run on the European current. Plus, I’ll need to make sure I have a set of adaptor plugs for the outlets. Plus, I will need a power strip, because European hotel rooms are notorious for having scarce wall outlets.
I’ve always been a moron when it comes to electricity. Watts, amps, volts, just kill me now. I know that’s lame, but there you have it.
So I’m trying to research on the interwebs and from friends to make sure I’m prepared before I take off for Brussels on the 15th of April
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Whew! Plane tickets purchased for Cleveland/New York, New York/Brussels, Munich/Moscow and Helsinki/Los Angeles.
Hotel reservations secured in New York, Brussels, Paris (!), Berlin, Munich, Moscow, St. Petersburg and Helsinki.
Good news! I had enough frequent flyer miles for the flights from Brussels to Vilnius and from Vilnius to Berlin!
It’s a huge relief to have this much on the Done list.
Vilnius Old Town
You may notice there’s still some gaps in there. A certain amount of the travel is on my dime, so I still need to book the following:
Europe Trip Arrangements That Still Need to be Made
Train from Berlin to Munich
Train from Moscow to St. Petersburg
Ferry/Bus/Train from St. Petersburg to Tallinn
Hotel in Tallinn
Hotel in Vilnius
Ferry from Tallinn to Helsinki
yum
I simply cannot believe my good fortune that I get to go to all these interesting places in the next couple of months. I’m sooooooo lucky. I feel like a kid waiting for Christmas.
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My evil friend Sara has introduced me to a Cleveland restaurant that’s worth going off my diet for. It’s called Melt, and there are a couple of them in the Cleveland area. They serve the most amazing, naughty sandwiches accompanied by ridiculous french fries. We’ve gone there twice in the three weeks I’ve been here. It’s good that I’m leaving soon.
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Two of my sisters have accused me of being a very black-and-white person. And this is probably true. I’ve tried in recent years to embrace the shades of gray a little bit more, but on some subjects I find I am unable to.
These affidavits stipulate that their brother Ray is always correct on all matters.
The main one being whether or not I am a full citizen of this country.
I will fully and freely confess to being guilty of black-and-white thinking on this topic.
To be sure, gay rights have come a million miles in my lifetime, and that’s fantastic. But until we have marriage we will remain second-class citizens.
I find I am growing quite weary of the entire argument. We either have the same rights as everyone else or we don’t.
Let’s break down the classic arguments against marriage equality:
1. The Bible defines marriage as one man and one woman.
Absolutely, positively untrue. The Bible defines marriage in many ways. Usually it’s a union between a man and several women. In the case of the Abraham (the original patriarch of Judaism, Christianity AND Islam) it was between a man and his sister. In most of the Bible, women are property. And divorce is mostly forbidden.
And even if the Bible actually DID define marriage this way So what?! Our country is based on The Constitution, not the Bible. Would you really like our laws to reflect Biblical rules and regulations? Are you ready for shellfish and cheeseburgers to be illegal? How red dresses, talking back to your parents, or masturbation? And, of course, if we’re going to be Biblical, then slavery will have to become legal again. If you go around claiming our laws should be this way because that’s how it is in the Bible, if you cherry pick the scriptures and leave out the stuff that would be inconvenient to you, you’re a big fat hypocrite.
2. Why can’t gays be satisfied with Civil Unions?
Two reasons:
First, a little US Supreme Court decision in 1954 called Brown vs. the Board of Education of Topeka, Kansas. It established once and for all that “separate but equal” is unconstitutional. So even if marriage and civil unions were exactly equal, this would still be unacceptable.
But civil unions and marriage are NOT equal. Not even close. Many of the most important rights and responsibilities in marriage are federal, and civil unions do not bring any of these protections. So this is still second class citizenship.
3. We shouldn’t redefine marriage.
The same religious rhetoric, word for word, was used against the legalization of interracial marriage.
Hogwash. We’ve done it countless times throughout history. Marriage used to be an exchange of property (a daughter) between one man and another. Until fairly recently, it was for life (no divorce). Then divorce was only allowed in the case of adultery. Then we further redefined marriage with the concept (in many states) of “no-fault” divorce. Even more recently, laws banning interracial marriage were struck down.
4. Gay marriage will destroy “the sanctity” of marriage.
This is wrong on so many levels.
First of all, “sanctity”? Really? Do you think all three of Newt Gingrich’s marriages were sacred? How about Britney Spears’ 40-hour marriage? If you are really, REALLY concerned about the sanctity of marriage, why aren’t you picketing to take away the civil rights of people who practice The Divorce Lifestyle? If you aren’t, and yet you oppose gay marriage on “sanctity” grounds, you are a big fat hypocrite.
Finally, you don’t think that gay people treasure their unions just as much as straight people do? The idea that they somehow don’t is pure homophobia.
5. Kids need a mom and a dad.
Really? So why is single parenthood legal? Why is it legal for two people who have no intention of procreating to get married? Why is it legal for people who cannot have children to get married? If you’re going to play the children card, and you don’t call for any marriage that isn’t about to produce children to be illegal, you are a big fat hypocrite.
Beside, EVERY study coming down the pike shows that kids with two loving parents do well, and that the sexual orientation of those two parents is irrelevant.
6. Gay parents will raise gay children.
Really? All of my parents are straight. My dad is straight, and three of the four children he raised are gay. Hmm.
7. We live in a democracy. In state after state, the voters have said NO to gay marriage.
So what? Civil rights can’t be taken away by a bullying majority. At least, not forever. That’s what courts are FOR. If the majority ruled on issues of civil rights, black people might still have to ride on the back of the bus in the south. Sometimes the majority is WRONG.
8. This will lead to people wanting to marry their dogs and their toasters.
No, it won’t. Neither a dog nor a toaster is a legal consenting adult.
And then there’s possibly the most offensive one of all:
9. Forcing gay marriage on us restricts my religious freedom.
Really? How? No one is going to make you marry someone of the same sex. And if you think your religious freedom is being restricted because you have to live in a country that has gay marriage, then, well, get over it. How about the religious freedom of all the millions of Christians to DO support gay marriage? Doesn’t their religious freedom count as well?
Here’s the thing: When I think about the 1950s, when there was so very little accurate information about homosexuality out there, and so many lies about it being propagated, it’s kind of understandable when you think about how homophobic people were. Most people really didn’t know any better.
It's Adam and Steve! Get over it, and get used to it.
But today people know different. People know better. People know their gay friends and neighbors are not monsters. Many people know gay couples. A growing number of Americans know gay couples with children.
So if you know gay people, if you have gay friends, or a gay cousin, and you like to say you’re not homophobic, and then you go down to the polls and vote against gay marriage, please understand that you are a bigot, pure and simple. You are like the Southern wife in 1960 who would talk about how much she “loves” her housekeeper, while still supporting segregation. If that Southerner didn’t want her black maid to have civil rights, then guess what? She DIDN’T love her. And if you don’t shout and stamp your feet and vote in support of the absolute full citizenship of your gay friends, brothers, uncles and co-workers, then you do not really care about us.
And if that’s a black and white attitude, Donna and Rachel: SUE ME. 🙂
One of the main reasons movies exist is that they allow us to perfect the moments in life that are messier and less satisfying than we wish they were. In the movies the main character always has the snappy comeback line at the ready. She knows just what to say at her mother’s death bed. She keeps it together in a stressful situation and solves the crisis with finesse.
In real life we stumble through our lives. While solving a tricky problem with style and wit would be great, most of us are just grateful to make it through another day in one piece.
Undertow, a beautiful 2009 film from Peruvian writer/director Javier Fuentes-León, drops us right into the middle of a very messy situation: Miguel (Cristian Mercado) has a devoted wife Mariela (Tatiana Astengo) who’s about to give birth to their first child. Miguel, a fisherman, loves his wife. The only problem? He also loves his secret boyfriend Santiago (Manolo Cardona).
The movie begins with everyone in the town participating in an traditional funeral ritual during which a recently-deceased villager’s body is offered up to the sea. The ceremony feels very ancient and pagan, and is intended to ensure that the departed soul can rest peacefully.
Needless to say, the tiny fishing community Miguel lives in is insular, traditional, and highly Catholic.
Santiago is an itinerant painter who keeps to himself and causes ripples in the rumor mill.
Suddenly, the situation changes drastically. Miguel is surprised one afternoon to find Santiago in his house . . . but it’s not really Santiago! It’s his ghost. It seems he was caught in an Undertow and drowned.
Perhaps surprisingly, it seems to Miguel that his problem has been solved. No one but him can even see Santiago, and even though he’s a ghost, he’s touchable. So Miguel can continue his affair with a secret boyfriend who is now really secret.
Undertow is very much in the tradition of Latin American Magical Realism, and as such, there are no special effects. To us, Santiago just looks like Santiago. There’s nothing ethereal or discorporate about him. He simply is invisible to anyone but Miguel.
The great aspect of Magical Realism is that is breaks the literal rules of real life in order to get to a deeper truth. There’s a matter-of-factness to the way the film deals with this unreal situation which is refreshing.
Back to Miguel and his sexy ghost boyfriend. Of course such a happy state of affairs cannot continue forever. Paintings Santiago made of Miguel are discovered and the whole town finds out about the affair.
At about this point in the movie I was really worried. It seems like Miguel is going to try to patch things up with his wife and try to forget about Santiago. As I sat there I was about to give up on the movie.
But then, I am happy to report, the movie completely surprised me. I won’t tell you what exactly happens, but it’s a surprisingly moving act of redemption and forgiveness. I highly recommend you let yourself get swept away by Undertow.
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I’m finding myself surprisingly intimidated an discombobulated by the spectre of needing to use electrical devices in seven countries without blowing something up, starting a fire, or simply not being able to use one of my devices.
I have not slept without it a single night since getting it. I do not intend to have to start sleeping without it just because I am in Estonia. Even in Estonia I will need a good night’s sleep. And, oh yes, a modicum of oxygen to the brain.
So I’m trying to research on the interwebs and from friends to make sure I’m prepared before I take off for Brussels on the 15th of April
