I love Michelle, I really do. I think she could be the greatest First Lady since Jackie O.
However. She does one thing that undermines her obvious intelligence. It’s grating on me.
There’s this mispronunciation common to people from New York and Chicago. It involves words which begin with the S TR consonant combination. Words like “strength”, “street” and “straight.”
The mistake is that people mysteriously change the S sound to an SH sound.
So “strength” becomes “shtrength.” “Street” becomes “shtreet.”
“Shtraight.”
“Shtream.”
I don’t know why people do this. But Michelle is a very smart lady and she should know better. Someone who is close to her needs to sit her down and have her work on this.
For the good of the nation.
That is all.
Average Rating: 4.6 out of 5 based on 171 user reviews.
I’m not crazy about tattoos on my best day, but I’m growing truly weary of witnessing the proliferation of tattoos in the images of Chinese and Japanese pictographs. Ooo . . it’s so deep. Such a good scam perpetrated by the ink parlors. It’s in Japanese so it must be . . . deep!
Please. It’s the same thing as calling your New York snack shop “Bonjour Croissant;” it’s just looking in the opposite direction geographically.
I wonder how many of these illustrated would-be hotties even know what the translations of their characters mean?
I bet the reverse situation is just as bad. I picture kids in Shanghai and Tokyo running round town festooned with tattoos which bear English inscriptions such as “Me Love You Long Time” and “Diet Coke.”
Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5 based on 234 user reviews.
I know that you don’t get that many requests for the sugar-free syrup. I know that having to go grab it gets you out of your rhythm.
But you know what? Those bottles of syrup aren’t usable right out of the box. No, really, they’re not! You actually have to screw off the spout, and then remove the freshness lid over the mouth of the bottle. THEN the magically delicious maltitol-based sweetness will pour happily out of the bottle.
I’m the customer. I shouldn’t have to do this myself every. single. time.
Thanks for your cooperation.
Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5 based on 224 user reviews.
Note to sandwich makers: STOP PUTTING SPROUTS ON MY SANDWICH WITHOUT ASKING ME IF I WANT SPROUTS ON MY SANDWICH.
Sprouts are vile. They smell musty and they make your sandwich taste like a barn. Whose decision was it to turn this vile pseudo-vegetable into a default ingredient of sandwiches? And where do his children go to school?!?
Average Rating: 4.4 out of 5 based on 186 user reviews.
Christian Bale almost ruined The Dark Knight and Batman Begins with it. Whenever he spoke from within the Batsuit, his speech was a low, guttural, utterly expressionless growl. No change of inflection, no color, nothing. I can’t believe someone as talented and perceptive as director Christopher Nolan would let him get away with it.
Where did this daffy choice come from? I suspect from the world of video games. Metal Gear Solid is one of the most popular and revered of all game franchises. Though not my cup of tea, the games had many fine qualities and legions of fans.
I was always baffled when actor David Hayter’s voice work was praised as the games’ main character. In sequel after sequel, it was always the same thing: a guttural, expressionless snarl, speaking every single line exactly the same way. It was that stupid In-Batsuit-Snarl. Everyone (weirdly) found that brilliant.
A much better model would have been the wonderful voice acting Stephen Russell did as the title character in the Thief games. He, too, played a dark, shadowy character, but his performance used much more nuance and color.
Well, now the Snarl Virus is spreading. Clint Eastwood has been using it for years (thought it’s not as bad in his recent, wonderful, Gran Torino).
Have you seen, or more importantly, heard, the trailers for the upcoming megamovie Watchmen? The talented Jackie Earle Haley plays Rorschach and uses the exact same monochromatic drone.
This must stop. Immediately.
Average Rating: 4.7 out of 5 based on 236 user reviews.
Have you noticed that for the last year or two the paper used in restaurants and shops to print credit card receipts are on magic new paper that’s almost completely impervious to the ink of a ballpoint pen? Who was the genius who came up with this?
Was no testing done? Considering the purpose of this paper is so that customers can, uh, write on it, wouldn’t its ability to absorb ink be a consideration when designing said paper?
Remarkable.
StarkRavingRay. Where we fearlessly take on the big issues.
Average Rating: 4.5 out of 5 based on 204 user reviews.
Today at lunch I was enjoying a small bag of Mrs. Vickers potato chips. I absently picked up the bag and read the text on the back. The color text bragged that Mrs. V used “farm-grown potatoes” to make her delicious snack.
Really? Farm-grown? Impressive!
On the other hand . . . what else would they be? Music-conservatory-grown? Congress-grown? Submarine-grown?
I get really annoyed with advertising and other product copy that wrings the very meaning out of language.
Don’t get me wrong. I understand that the sizzle sells the steak. Other premium potato chips have their bags tarted up with perfectly sexy language. Terra Chips uses “all-natural Yukon Gold” potatoes. Makes sense. Kettle’s krinkle-cut chips boast “wavy-potato perfection.” I get it.
But those phrases actually mean something. But “farm-raised potatoes”? That reminds me of the cookie ingredient list I once read which listed “creamery butter.” Really? As opposed to . . . Insecticide Refinery Butter? Furniture Factory Butter? Since the word “creamery” means “a place where dairy products are made, ” I’m pretty sure all butter is “creamery” butter.
Another one that gets me is the vile practice of all three major television networks to refer to upcoming episodes of their series as “all-new.” What does “all-new” mean? I’m pretty sure it means “new.” Unfortunately, some marketing person decided that “all-new” sounded sexier, and the term has now become standard.
I love language, and I understand that, at least until the entire population of our country is functionally illiterate, that language will be used to sell products. I just wish the professionals wouldn’t insult us by using language which has absolutely no meaning.
Average Rating: 4.9 out of 5 based on 230 user reviews.
Okay, I love The Sound of Music as much as anyone of my generation does. And I think the score contains many delightful songs.
However.
What slaptard decided that the song “My Favorite Things” was a Christmas song? And, more importantly, why did everyone go along with this moron?
Here are the complete lyrics to the song, reproduced here without a shred of permission:
Raindrops on roses and whiskers on kittens;
Bright copper kettles and warm woolen mittens;
Brown paper packages tied up with strings;
These are a few of my favorite things.
Cream-colored ponies and crisp apple strudels;
Doorbells and sleigh bells and schnitzel with noodles;
Wild geese that fly with the moon on their wings;
These are a few of my favorite things.
Girls in white dresses with blue satin sashes;
Snowflakes that stay on my nose and eyelashes;
Silver-white winters that melt into springs;
These are a few of my favorite things.
When the dog bites,
When the bee stings,
When I’m feeling sad,
I simply remember my favorite things,
And then I don’t feel so bad.
Notice any Christmas themes or imagery there? No? Why?
Because there isn’t any.
The song is sung in the show during a summer thunderstorm. Summer. Thunderstorm. Not a Yuletide item in sight.
So, please, can we stop including this song in Christmas music collections?
Thanks for your cooperation.
StarkRavingRay. Where we tackle the big issues.
Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 251 user reviews.
Okay, I shouldn’t have to spell it out, but that seems to be my burden.
All parents of adorable little children, listen up:
There are two times that it is permissable for your child to be seen in public in a costume: The last week of October, and on the way to and from a costume party.
That’s it. Nope, not at the zoo. No, not at the mall. Sorry about that.
For every time you break this rule, you will have to spend two hours in Purgatory watching some other person’s enchanting six year old perform in a Christmas pageant.
Average Rating: 4.8 out of 5 based on 154 user reviews.
